Juggling bubbles

perfectly round and delicate

perfectly round and delicate

Somedays I feel like I live in one of these. A clear, perfectly round sphere….ready to shatter any moment, under the pressure of the slightest brush against another object. Other days, I’m not living in one, but rather juggling a bunch of them, desperately trying to keep them aloft, so they don’t burst if they hit the ground. Why, you ask? Because The Man and The Beans live in them, and…

I AM THE KEEPER OF THE BUBBLES.

That’s a lot of pressure, in case you were wondering. Bubble juggling, that is. And along with the constant fear of spontaneous bubble eruption, comes the quiet panic of wtf am I going to do if they all disintegrate? AGAIN. Oh yes. It’s happened before.

My entire life has been an endless quest to maintain images, trapped inside bubbles ready to burst at any moment. Even in childhood I learned how to compartmentalize my life by carefully encasing each facet in it’s own protective, gossamer layer.

The Image of Reality I allow people to see. 

The Image of Reality as it is–mostly shielded from view. 

The Image I Hope My Reality Becomes. 

The Image of Reality as it should be if not for all the branches, scratches, windstorms, rocks and other disasters that have spun the bubble around and left it broken, lying in a slimy pool of soap….in the dirt. 

I must confess, 2013 started off like a dream….launching me and my bubble juggling self into a very comfortable, seemingly bubble popping proof place with a giant fan underneath, to keep the bubbles up in the air. So if you’ve  seen me lately, I’m sure I looked  fine. Probably even smiling, and genuinely relaxed. Perhaps even today. But it’s all about perception, isn’t it?

I’m here to tell you, an engine in that damn fan has weakened and my bubbles have lost some altitude. They are hovering just above the fan now, and I’m lying on top of it shielding them from the blades which would make them all disintegrate. AGAIN.

God, what should I do now? I don’t hear you laughing.

 

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