In the eyes of others, I’m strong enough.

you-are-enough

Deep down, I’ve always believed this statement.

Otherwise, I would be perpetually angry at God for weighing me down with loads much heavier than my tiny, 40 year-old body can carry at any given moment. Fortunately, the days when I get pissed at you know who, and wonder why, despite the fact I am commonly seen in yoga pants, she can’t remember that I haven’t lifted weights or seen the inside of a gym in ages…are infrequent.

That being said, I had one yesterday.Truth be told, it began Tuesday night, sent me into a full-on, Southern Bitch “TAY-ER”, and culminated in a surprise visit from Aunt Flow…in the middle of the night. Go ahead, gasp. But remember: you were warned about TMI showing up here. 

It all leads back to my desire to contribute somehow, to our family piggy bank, yet being clueless how to do it. My job title, since 1999 has been MOM. It’s full-time, requires a ton of skills, and the schedule is pretty rigid. Problem is, how do I suddenly fit in another job, that pays in dollars, during a recession, without compromising the responsibilities of my number one job? For the last 13 years my salary has come in smiles, hugs and giggles, which I happily deposited straight into my heart. Yes, I have a college degree. IN DANCE AND ENGLISH. Fields I never established careers in, because life nudged me in the direction of motherhood. Who is going to hire me? It’s quite the conundrum. Anyway, it’s the days when I begin to reflect on my current job, and my need for an additional job that I end up feeling completely inadequate in every way. Just like a big, clumsy failure. Factor in that old bitch, Aunt Flow, and it’s the perfect storm.

But I digress.

While taking a break this morning, which is code for ” I sat down because I was woozy from the muscle relaxers calming the cramps”, I decided to clean out my purse. And, lo and behold I found something great. Reassurance. In the form of an essay Sugar Bean wrote as an assignment in her 6th grade class. She presented me with it a couple of weeks ago. I cried for days, and then put it in my purse so I wouldn’t lose it. I’d like to say I didn’t forget about it, but, that would be…well… a lie.  Blame it on the distraction of 6th grade math homework.

But I found it today. (Thanks, God)

The person I admire greatly is my mother, Nancy. She is 5 feet and 1 inch. She has a skinny body and is usually in sweats or t-shirts from Alabama. She attended the University of Alabama, and moved to California 15 years ago. She drove all the way by herself across the country. Her parents died when she was  at a fairly young age. She had to fend for herself when they died. She has 3 older sisters and 3 older brothers, but they all live in Alabama. When she came here, she didn’t have any family. Now she has friends from college here. She has an English degree and a dance degree. I cannot believe that my mom did all that by herself.

I also admire her because she is very strong and brave. She believes everything happens for a reason. She loves everything she does, and enjoys life with my dad, me, and my two sisters. She is very tolerant and has a high patience level. She is a strong, composed and beautiful lady. Even though we are going through tough times right now, she always finds a way to give to others and make them happy. I love her with all my heart. I hope to be just like her. She is very kind-hearted and sweet and is raising us to be too. She always makes us laugh, and comforts us when we cry. Man, she has a sense of humor! She is very persistent and determined, and teaches my sisters and me to always put others first. She is currently trying to help our family by looking for ways to get a job to make money. She loves the medical field and forensic crime investigation. 

I love her soooooooo much. Now you can see why. She is strong, loving, funny, caring, brave and kind, and an awesome cook too. I hope you get why she is the most stupendous person in the world. She is the pillow beneath my head. I love her with all my heart, to the moon and back.”  

~written by my precious Sugar Bean, aged 12

If I never have another job besides being a mama, that’s okay. We’ll make it.

Because with a performance review like this, at least I know I’m doing the job I was blessed with to the very best of my ability, and that is all I can hope for .

Comments

  1. Oh wow she is so beautiful, and what a fantastic writer!!! That brought tears to my eyes, and I completely agree that it’s the most rewarding job in the world XXX

    • When she gave it to me, I couldn’t even read it because I was crying so hard. I hugged her up and held on for a good 15 minutes, squeezing her so tight, as if she might slip right through my arms. Things like this really put others into perspective, don’t they? Amazing what you believe you are doing as opposed to what you are actually doing.

  2. Crying, crying, crying. Best performance review a mama could ever wish for. That is one smart girlie. And we know where she got her writing skills…

    Big hugs to you Nanc. Let me know if you need anything. xo

  3. Nancy I can, in many ways, identify with you. I have been a mom for 15 yrs and I know I told you Alec has asperger’s, so that is why I never had a job outside of raising him and Emme, when she came along 5 1/2 yrs ago! We too have struggled financially since my hubby had a wreck 10 yrs ago and was in the hospital for a month. I have been looking for a job, but can’t seem to find one and I have wondered if my age and lack of experience hurts me. (I honestly think it does) But at the end of the day I know God chose me to be the mom of these 2 AMAZING kids and he has taken care of us, maybe not in the way I think we should be, but he has provided us with what we needed, not always wanted! LOL I hope that when Emme is older she can say the same beautiful things about me that your daughter wrote about you! Being a mom is a gift and the hardest job we’ll ever have, but the most rewarding when we see or hear how we have touched our children’s lives! So you ROCK in my opinion! :o)

    • There is no doubt your children already have said, and will continue to say wonderful things about you. You may not always feel like they notice, but they do. As do all of the people you touch with your mothering skills. As far as age and experience needed for the conventional workforce goes…well, ALL mamas are over-qualified. Companies would be wise to line their employee rosters with mamas who have nothing on their resumes except the job title ‘MOM’. Because, as we know, mothers will fight to the death for their team, can multi-task like nobody’s business, and know the true meaning of responsibility 🙂

  4. So funny how the universe works to show you what a great job you are doing and continue to do! Your children are lucky to have you as a Mother!

    • I am constantly amazed that I have been entrusted with the care, education and well-being of these amazing little humans. Soon, you’ll know the same feeling 🙂

  5. Love your blog! Love and miss you!

  6. Erica Snipes says:

    Wow. I think that pretty much makes it all worth it, huh?! What words from you child. Amazing. Thanks for not being too humble to share this! 🙂 And I mean that in the nicest way! As moms, we need to champion ourselves, and champion each other. Way to set a great example!

    • She’s an angel, I tell you 🙂 And the essay was given to me on a day when I really felt…well…none of the things she attributed to me. So her timing is excellent too!! I also completely agree that we as mothers have to encourage each other by sharing and pinning roses on each other’s shields whenever possible! Our children are a reflection of us and our abilities, so it is perfectly appropriate to share their raw view of us in their eyes. It is, after all, the truest account of our job!

  7. LOVE! OMG, that made me all teary-eyed!

  8. Well, that obviously very intelligent kid of yours managed to make me cry! I wasn’t expecting that! Now I’m all snotty and blotchy. Next time you decide to write something so beautiful and touching could you possibly disclaimer it? 🙂

    Thank you for sharing! It really is touching. You and your daughter are gifted writers.

    • Aww, thanks! Sorry about the crying. She is a marvel, I tell you 🙂
      And just a heads up….I am about to post something I wrote a couple of years ago along with a poem my sister wrote about me. Let this serve as your disclaimer…lol.

      xo,
      N

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