**TMI ALERT** Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Yesterday was THE DAY. For the yearly check-up with my doctor. You know, the one with the stirrups that have nothing to do with saddles, or leggings in the 80′s?
Um. Yeah. Her. MY OB-GYN.
First let me say, I adore my doctor. She is amazing. She delivered all of my babies, as well as the children of two of my closest girlfriends. We all love Dr. V The level of care she gives goes beyond just pre/post-natal and general hoo-ha maintenance. She looks out for my whole body health. Makes sure I’m taking vitamins (yes), and getting enough sleep (no) and that my weight is in check. Then she scolds me because it is NOT. And asks, “Why have you lost more weight? What’s going on?” Then….she listens, with a look of motherly compassion and concern on her face, while I recap the shit show that has been my life in the past year. “I worried it off, I guess. The stress diet…(nervous laughter),” is my reply. A hug follows, and she gets down to brass tacks.
I’ve got some complaints. Real ones. Every time Aunt Flo visits, it feels like that bitch is wielding a baseball bat, repeatedly slamming it against my lower back, which puts me in bed for at least a whole day, practically in traction. Which, as a mama…..can’t fucking happen. Plus, I lose enough blood to keep both the cast of True Blood and the Cullen Family happy for years, and me dizzy constantly. She has some ideas of what the cause may be, and decides to put me back on…*GASP*….birth control, which I wasn’t planning on needing anymore, because The Man has decided to take affirmative action against his family jewels. In the end, she boosts my spirits by saying “You are approaching 40′s. Things start to change.” Um, hello….I. AM. 40.
And things… they are a-changing.
The good news is, the Hoo-Ha is in good shape and ….I left Dr. V’s office knowing that Girl #4, is NOT on her way. Because let’s face it….the likelihood of a boy after THREE GIRLS would be slim at best even if I was preggo. Which I am NOT. So the ‘Stork Express’ is officially retired from visiting our house. I mean, seriously. That ship is not only docked, it’s anchored in the middle of the Dead Sea.
Maybe even the Bermuda Triangle.
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