I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch…Oh the bitch is back.
Stone cold sober as a matter of fact.
I can bitch, I can bitch…`Cause I’m better than you
It’s the way that I move….The things that I do.

~ Elton John

     Alright.

     After a whole day of snapping at everyone close to me, being the brand ambassador for road rage, wondering why my “only for emergencies” Xanax didn’t seem to be working, and coming to the conclusion that the pharmacist had, in fact, given me fucking placebos…..I finally figured it out.  Looked up at the sky on the drive home from a 3 hour stint at my second home (aka the gym where my daughters train) and saw the reason. Color me cranky people, it’s…

                                                                      A FULL MOON. 

     Had I known of this impending occurrence, I could have prepared the world by skipping the makeup today and simply writing BITCH on my forehead with a black Sharpie. But I didn’t. I will be more careful and stay abreast of the lunar happenings from now on. Promise. Okay, half-promise. Because I’ll probably forget, considering I suffer from C.R.A.F.T. these days. You figure out the acronym. Remember, I’m cranky tonight, and can’t be expected to do everything for you! Geez….

     So, this is an apology of sorts. To The Man, whom I am certain feels like the bat whose head got bitten off by Ozzy on stage all those years ago. Except probably worse, because that poor creature only got its head bitten off once.

Hi dear. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you tomorrow since you’ve been silent  for hours in fear of, well…pissing me off just by breathing. I’ll make it up to you somehow. I love you. Really.

     Oh, and to The Girls. Who can’t even read the blog, because I won’t allow them to, even though only one of them could really decipher the words and meanings and such anyway. I screeched like a dying cat at The Oldest Girl today for sharing my blog address with her good friend, so her friend’s mom could read it. Mind you, I’m trying to build a following here, but somehow panicked at the thought of that child’s mother, whom I have not met yet, reading this PUBLIC blog. Good Lord. What kind of crazy witch am I today? Don’t. Answer. That.

     I should also add that The Youngest Girl had a full-on, 5 year-old, “ragdoll with rigormortis” meltdown about what to wear to school this morning, which prompted me to tell The Man he needed to dress her before I sent her  to school wearing only her monogrammed backpack. I had given her several choices, none of which agreed with her fashion mood apparently. What more could I do? At least I recognized I needed a “time-out”, right?

Honestly, the only one in the family who didn’t catch the wrath was The Middle Girl. Perhaps because she agreed with everything I said, completed every task I requested of her without whining, and did her best to remain relatively quiet and just “blend in”. Obviously, she knew about the full moon, which wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest because she is quite brilliant, that one. Catches on quick. No doubt, this will serve her well life 🙂

So. Here I sit, apologizing to people who are now sleeping, trying to figure out exactly what I can possibly do to make up for the bitch I was today. If you have any suggestions, leave them in the box below, will ya?  Wait…I’ve got it! I’m going to get some sleep and pray to God that Mercury doesn’t go into retrograde anytime soon 🙂

Sweet dreams. I mean it.

xo,

N