Apparently, I have a built-in GPS. Chances are, so do you.


We just moved a month or so ago, and ordinarily I would blame The Man’s inability to locate objects on that. After all, lots of things are still in boxes. Granted, it’s all stuff that belongs to me, that he probably never even knew existed in the first place. Still, I’d like to give him the benefit of doubt. Then I began to think about it, and it dawned on me we’ve been together for 15 years…married for close to 14….and he’s always been challenged when it comes to locating items on his own. Your man too, huh? Go figure. 

Of course, it’s benign enough, when it only happens every once in awhile. “Honey, where’s the _______?” or “Dear, do you know where my _____ is?”  However, it breaches my threshold for irritation when it’s several times in a row, involving an item that doesn’t belong to me, I have never seen, or better yet, has never existed in our household.

At 5 am.

Before my eyes even have the chance to focus in the pre-dawn light, preceded by an all- too-familiar toned, term of endearment.

Yes, that has happened. More than once, I’m afraid.

Although I can only estimate based on my own experience, I’d be willing to bet there are a lot of guys out there just like The Man, constantly appearing in a state of bewilderment, searching for a clue.  At this point, I take pause and wonder “Do we, as women, create these co-dependent creatures?” The answer, most certainly is yes…but we didn’t do it alone. No. Obviously, somewhere in the history of the Universe,  the male species was informed that the uterus is a secret tracking device, able to pinpoint objects in the blink of an eye. Why else would they immediately consult us before first searching for what they need? It’s the only explanation. I mean, all women have one….unless you are medically forced, or independently elect, to have it surgically removed. I’ve even overheard The Man asking The Beans where things are, after he’s come up dry after asking me. True story.

So, there.

As I seek to further confirm this theory, I am reminded of a conversation I witnessed between one of my older sisters and her husband years ago. My brother-in-law walked into the room and said, “Do you know where the ________ is?”. My sister responded with, “No. Did you look for it?” He stammered, and said “Well…uh…no. I figured I would just ask you first.” With a slight smirk, and a twinkle in her eye, she said, “Now, why on Earth would you do that? I don’t have a built-in tracking device anymore. I had a hysterectomy years ago.” Way to go, sis. Sheer, smart-assed brilliance, I say! Because, to my knowledge, he hasn’t asked the location of an item since, without waging an exhaustive search on his own first.  Btw, she raised 2 boys, whom I am certain are independent thinkers as the result of her quick wit.

So ladies, if you happen to find yourself fed up, constantly being questioned on the whereabouts of lost things by your male counterpart (and you still have your uterus), I have come up with a solution. Just tell him your tracking device is temporarily out of service because you are on your period. At the very least, he’ll be so shocked he will fall silent and leave you alone for a bit 🙂

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