Started my “Master Cleanse” today…..well, technically last night, but we won’t discuss that. The lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper & water drinking commenced this morning. Day is almost over. Thank goodness, because I am so dang hungry I could hit something. Hard. Despite my lack of energy. And this is just DAY ONE. Imagine the damage I will be able to do on Wednesday!!! Oh well, I have set my eye on a prize. You’ll just have to wait and see what it is. Until then…..enjoy your meals 🙂
Life summary
August 19, 2010 by Leave a Comment
Received an email from one of my sisters…I have 3….this morning. It made me smile all over my face, so I thought I’d share. Enjoy!
Great Truths Little Children Learn:
1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sibling hits you, don’t hit back. The second offender always gets caught.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear with white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you are sad is Grandma’s lap.
Great Truths Adults Learn:
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. Families are like fudge. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
Great Truths About Growing Old:
1. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is not.
2. Forget health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4. You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
The Four Stages of Life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus.
Success:
At age 4, success is not piddling in your pants.
At age 12, success is having friends.
At age 17, success is having a driver’s license.
At age 35, success is having money.
At age 50, success is having money.
At age 70, success is having a driver’s license.
At age 75, success is having friends.
At age 80, success is not piddling in your pants.
Fender bender.
August 19, 2010 by 1 Comment
Got into one yesterday. Picture this…. During rush hour traffic yesterday, The Beans and I are in the family truckster sitting at the bottom of an off-ramp, preparing to turn right onto my desired road. Lady in BRAND NEW Toyota Camry is stopped in front of me. She lets off the gas and moves forward, pulling onto the road…..or so I think. I look left to double check that it’s clear, let off my gas slightly and roll forward……RIGHT INTO HER BUMPER!! Yes, folks, she stopped again, while I had my head turned. So I speed around her and take off….LOL. I’M KIDDING. Pulled off into a dirt patch just to the right. I get out and approach her car. What I find is a little Korean lady behind the wheel, with her head in her hands. Tap, tap, tap on the window. She opens the door and says, “You hit my car. You understand? It’s new car.” I say, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you’d stopped again. There doesn’t appear to be any damage. Are you okay?” We walk to the back of the car and she points out what is the equivalent of a DOOR DING on her bumper (see pic below), and there is not so much as a scratch anywhere else, nor is there any damage to my tank. “You see this? You do this to my new car. You understand, it’s your fault” she says. With that, a light bulb goes off in my head! She’s done this before, knows the drill, and is trying to make me say it’s my fault. Well, I am prepped and ready to switch from sweet young mom with Southern drawl, to full on Southern Bitch if necessary. I mean, it’s a DING, for crying out loud. Build a bridge and get over it!! Luckily it didn’t get fiery. I simply replied, “I understand you stopped short in front of me, and I can see a ding in your bumper. Let’s exchange information.” Thirty minutes later, I have H.K.’s number with photos of her DINGED BUMPER, and she has every piece of info about me, just short of what color my underwear was (black, btw)! Although I was rattled, The Man was not even phased by the info when I told him. He cracked open some vino and said let the insurance companies duke it out. That’s why we pay them, right? But for the record, if you stop short in front of someone, for no reason (or you have an Obama/Biden bumper sticker on your car) you deserve to get dinged. Just sayin’. 
