It’s Friday…For Real: Episode 2

Hi y’all…Hope everyone had a fabulous Fourth of July! I know we did. Now, if you are anything like The Man, you probably had some mishaps with food. Specifically, wearing it…after eating and enjoying it. If so, you’re gonna want to pay close attention to the second episode of

It’s Friday…For Real!

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It’s Friday….For Real: Episode 1

Did y’all enjoy the video….or does it suck? Is there something you’d like for me to talk about in the next episode? Please leave a comment. Be honest…but remember…I do have feelings 🙂

Follow on Bloglovin

Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook, and Twitter

If I made you laugh, please click the banner below to vote for me on topmommyblogs.com!

There’s no need to be shy – you can vote for me once a day!

THANKS SO MUCH…Y’ALL ROCK!

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I’ve got major mommy skills….or not.

Okay, I’m digging in the archives to bring you a list of reasons why I should be Mom of the Year. Or, perhaps have DCFS called on me for a series of Epic Parenting Fails, depending on your perspective–and sense of humor.

And also because I have a bit of writer’s block. Personally, I think this whole middle-aged thing is to blame.

This was originally featured over on Mom of the Year, back in May, but I wanted to share it again here, in case anyone missed it! And of course because I think Meredith is the bestest and deserves a shout-out 🙂  

 

Unlike the other Moms of the Year, I wasn’t invited to the party ….I ASKED to be included. Fortunately, Meredith–the genius behind this collection of kick-ass moms– decided I was cool enough. Or else she thought, ‘Wow, this gal is from the South? Seems like her manners have been replaced with giant, Hollywood-sized balls’ and that intimidated her enough to let me in the club. Whatever. I’ve got the prize.

Hell to the Yeah!!

hell to the yeah!

 

Now I need to tell y’all why I think I deserve it. I’m the youngest of 7 kids, so you get 7 reasons: 

1. I discovered I was preggo after an 8 day vacay to the Sundance Festival, followed by Super Bowl weekend in Vegas in 1999, with my then boyfriend-now husband, The Man. Ironically, I was on BCP’s, and my cycle had always been like clockwork. However, upon our return from a glorious 10 day stint filled with lots of partying like celebrities and rock stars (and some tumbling down snow laden hills with a board strapped to my feet) I realized I was LATE. Took a test: Positive. Went to the doctor: 5 Weeks Positive. So, clearly I was Mom of THAT Year. Mostly because I had been pregnant the entire time we were there, but didn’t know it….and Sugar Bean survived it all, making her healthy entrance into the world 8 months later. Cart before the horse? Check. But hey, when in Hollywood…. 

2. Now, I must preface this one by saying The Man is an eighth Mexican, and I’m part Cherokee Indian, so we are not pale people. Therefore, Sugar Bean has beautiful olive-toned skin as a result–a natural, year-round tan. So imagine my surprise when I took her in to the pediatrician for a check-up around 10 months old, and the doc asked about her eating habits. “Does she eat green veggies?” “Yes,” I replied, “but she prefers orange and yellow ones”. “I can see that,” she remarked. “What do you mean?” I said, puzzled. “Nancy…look at your child. She’s ORANGE. She has beta-carotenemia. Make her eat more greens before you have to change your last name to Oompa Loompa.” The only thing missing from the doc’s response is the word ‘DIPSHIT’ at the end, because that’s what I felt like. Clearly this is Mom of the Year moment #2. 

3. In June 2007, just days after moving into a gated community, I found my 3-year-old Butter Bean playing in the backyard. Buck nekid. Despite my suspicion our neighbors might think The Clampetts had moved in, I just let her be. For all they knew, we were nudists. What’s worse is, she was apparently in a phase.…and preferred being naked, to wearing clothes. I decided not to fight it, and she played naked in the yard all summer. Can’t really say I blamed her…we lived in the Valley, which if you know anything about Los Angeles….is hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock in the summer. So, allowing nakedness makes me Mom of the Year. I did remember to apply sunscreen each day, in case you were thinking I deserved WORST Mom of the Year. 

4. When Sweet Pea was 3, she accompanied me to do some “day of” birthday shopping for my then, 9 year-old Sugar Bean. While standing in line at Justice, she announced she needed to potty. There were 2 women in line ahead of me, 3 in line behind me, and I had an armload of stuff I couldn’t just abandon to go in search of a mall bathroom, as I was short on time anyway and wouldn’t be able to come back. So I explained to the Tart-in-Charge, that she was currently potty-training, and couldn’t hold it, asking if they had a bathroom she could use. No. Employees only. Upon hearing that, Sweet Pea unleashed a flood and peed in the floor, as we continued to wait in line to pay. I had a few choice words for the cashier as she rung me up, and stared like a deer in headlights. Oh, and the women behind me applauded my Mom of the Year skills as I walked out.  

5. As if we moms need anything else to make a big deal out of for our children, I came up with a whole new holiday deliverer of treats….The Valentine Fairy. She brings gift bags of goodies and small presents for The Beans to wake up to on Valentine’s morning. Sometimes she even leaves a trail of glitter from their bags to the window, depending on whether I want to clean the shit up or not. Of course, in their eyes, it makes me Mom of the Year, while in the eyes of the moms of their friends who inevitably know she visits our house…..I’m more like Overachieving Bitch of the Year. But that’s okay, because it’s the only area I don’t slack in. Besides, it sets the bar very high for their future loves, because they will have always been celebrated on the one day of the year designed to be dedicated to love. Gag, right?

6. Mom of the Year reason number 6 can be directly attributed to the fact that on every birthday in our household, we eat cake for breakfast. School day, weekend day, holiday….doesn’t matter. If it’s your birthday, you get dragged out of bed at 6am and have cake for breakfast. Or pie. Your choice. And you must endure having your early morning party documented with photos showing you looking EXACTLY like you do when you wake up. No primping allowed. Feel free to steal this awesome tradition and practice it in your own family. I stole the idea from my friend Sarah. 

7. I allow Candy Saturdays in our house. What’s that, you ask? No sugar AT ALL during the week, but The Beans can have as much as they want on Saturday. The word “NO”, as it relates to candy, is not uttered on Saturday in our family. It’s my way of making sure they gorge themselves almost to the point of sickness that day, so I don’t have to deal with the begging eyes, requests or tantrums in line at Target while they are standing by the candy displays. So far, it’s worked like a charm. They even FORGET about it from time to time, so they go several weeks without sugar. Oh, and our dentist….she thinks I’m a freaking hero! Or….Mom of the Year!

If this made you laugh, please leave a comment and let me know! And if you have moments like these to share….feel free!

I LOVE to know I’m not alone 🙂

 

Bullies Beware: The New F-Word is FRIEND

Bullies Beware. You're gonna have to go through us.

Bullies Beware. You’re gonna have to go through us.

So you may remember me posting about the phenomenal anti-bullying campaign my Sugar Bean and I were asked to be part of a few months ago. If not, you can see that here. At the time, the campaign hadn’t officially launched….

BUT IT HAS NOW

FRIEND MOVEMENT is in full swing and people are talking about it, which is EXACTLY what we want to happen. Open DIALOGUE leads to ACTION, which leads to CHANGE. A few initial reactions to the campaign questioned the use of the familiar hand gesture–the extension of the middle finger, or ‘flipping the bird’–remarking that it’s too edgy and in your face. Let’s be honest though….this is NOTHING compared to what our youth and adults alike are subjected to on a daily basis. We aren’t flipping someone off, we are flipping off and saying “F-YOU” to the issue of BULLYING which is a problem…

In our faces…

In the media…

In some of our homes…

EVERYDAY.

As the mother of a teen who was the victim of bullying from the time she entered Kindergarten and continuing until we finally had to change schools to escape it, I am tired of it. She came home sobbing everyday, and that was heart wrenching. To know my baby was being mistreated by mean girls who felt the need to pick on her because she was younger and smaller than they was horrific. And I was powerless. I spoke to her teacher, then the principal, then the superintendent. As a parent, I did everything thing I could to be an advocate for my child. But I couldn’t go to school WITH HER, so she was left to stand up for herself. Which is precisely what FRIEND MOVEMENT is all about. The aim is to empower those being bullied to start an inner dialogue, in the face of their aggressors, enabling them to say:

“It’s not okay for you treat me this way.

I accept me for who I am, and you must do the same.

So back off.” 

I’m sick to death of hearing about teenager after teenager committing suicide as the result of something that HAS TO END. Period. There is no room for error, or deliberation with respect to this matter. Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, cultures, genders, etc….and my daughter and I are PROUD TO STAND AGAINST THEM in support of a campaign laden with celebrities who have also been victims of bullying themselves. Don’t believe me? Take a look:

And I urge you to go one step further. JOIN FRIEND MOVEMENT. Follow them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and SHARE!! Help spread the word, and make it go viral. Make a tax-deductible donation to the Indigogo.com fundraising effort if you can, and aid in the mission to take the movement on the road visiting 40 cities across the country, with the goal of shooting 10,000 photos in 90 days.

It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes the entire world to protect one. We belong to each other, folks. Are you willing to take a stand, and get your boots dirty to raise awareness, and help?

I know I am.

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