Out of Retirement, Holding a Torch

… hoping to set the world ablaze. There, I said it.

Promised myself awhile ago that I would only come back on here to write if I actually had something important to say. Boy was that a loaded decision! And now here we are. Me writing, with a very clear, no bullshit message. You reading said message. Might want to buckle up, buttercups. This may be the most controversial, and possibly inflammatory thing you’ve read on here in awhile. Perhaps ever. But the last time I checked, my name is not Willy Wonka, and I have zero obligation to sugarcoat shit.


Assuming you live under a rock, in a cave off the grid, or just blindly ignorant to the shit-show of a world we currently live in, allow me to enlighten you…

Yesterday, there was another mass shooting. At a high school in Santa Clarita, California. Not too far from where my family and I reside. If you have a beating heart, a functioning brain and even a shred of a soul to go with it, this affects you deeply. And you are mad as hell, just like me. More innocent, adolescent lives lost. More children that WE AS ADULTS HAVE FAILED. FUCK!!!

16 seconds. SIXTEEN. SECONDS. 

That is how long it took for the 16 year-old male at Saugus High School to pull a .45-caliber, semi-automatic handgun he brought from home, from his backpack, and shoot a group of students, before turning the gun on himself, yesterday morning. 

Two of the students are dead, with families planning their funerals now, instead of prepping for the holidays. Others are injured. The rest of the student body, staff, administrators and parents are traumatized. The shooter is now dead. Yesterday was his birthday, and today was his last day. Don’t know about you, but I certainly wouldn’t want my daughters to be given a bullet as a party favor. Think about that. THINK ABOUT IT!

Speaking of my daughters… Sugar Bean, Butter Bean and Sweet Pea… They have friends who attend the school where the shooting took place. Which means I sent a text TO A FRIEND yesterday morning, asking IF HER BABIES WERE OKAY. I do not want to send another text like that again. Ever. Nor do I want to be in the position I found myself just a few weeks ago, when my own daughter’s high school was in FULL LOCKDOWN. Although, it was a false alarm, the hour I spent sitting outside the school while she was texting me from inside a locked closet in the band room, was one of the longest hours I have ever spent. And while she maintains she was not frightened…because she shares my DNA and that’s just who she is… the look on her face when she was finally able to walk out and wrap her arms around me and The Man, said otherwise. It just about broke me. In fact, I can’t even talk about it without choking back tears.

To say that I am angry, would be a gross understatement. Livid, and ready to take to the streets is more accurate. If that’s what needs to happen to get some common sense laws passed, then SIGN ME UP. This is a mountain I am willing to offend/piss people off over, step on toes for, and ultimately die on. None of this is okay. IT HAS TO STOP. NOW.

Oh, and don’t come at me with the tired ass excuse of unchecked mental illness, or the “Guns don’t kill people; people kill people,” mantra. 🙄🤬 
Just. Don’t. Fucking. Do. It. Save it for another day, with a lot more whiskey and somebody else.  You will not find an audience here.

You know why? Because other countries in this world have youth, teens and grown adults with mental illness… but they don’t have mass shootings. Wonder why?! It’s simple: THEY HAVE STRICTER GUN LAWS OR COMPLETE GUN CONTROL. 

Also. If you are offended by this rant, or you believe your guns are more important than innocent lives… the lives of my children… and we know each other in real life…we definitely shouldn’t be friends. 
This is not up for debate. 



Their Safe Place.


Of course I envisioned my first post following our family move as a long, profanity laden rant describing all the crap that went wrong during the relocation and what complete hell I’ve been through over the last few weeks. Then, this past Friday morning, on December 14, 2012, as I was just waking The Beans, urging them to roll out of bed and get ready for school, tragedy struck at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Connecticut.

And the lives of 20 mamas exactly like me…..who had, just a few hours earlier, done precisely what I was doing at that moment…became an unimaginable Hell.

All of a sudden, my reality paled in comparison, and turned into an idyllic picnic in the park stacked up against what they were experiencing. A cowardly monster armed himself with several guns and walked into the one place we as parents trust, without question, to be safest for our children when they cannot be in our arms. Then he opened fire in 2 classrooms full of 6 and 7 year-olds. In a flash, those mamas lost their innocent, precious angels as Heaven gained them. Thinking about it takes my breath and replaces it with tears all over again. You see, my Sweet Pea is a bright-eyed, 6 year-old First Grader this year. If not for geography, it could have been her classroom. Two years ago, it could have been my Butter Bean, and although it’s been 6 years since Sugar Bean started her school journey, I still shudder at the thought of how little she was, and how naive I was, as a young mother, to the evils threatening this world.  Excuse me while my mind races, and I throw up, rethinking every decision I’ve ever made as a parent.

As a Christian, I have been told that God has a plan, and I shouldn’t question it. However, as a mother, I am screaming to the top of my lungs “WHY, GOD, WHY??!!” No matter the answer, it will not satisfy the question. There is no acceptable response, no silver lining, no lesson that needed to be taught by such a horrific example.

Or is there?

Honestly, until Friday, I firmly believed in the Second Amendment of Our Constitution, which states that we as citizens have the right to keep and bear arms, and therefore was on the fence with regards to gun control. Well, I’m here to say, I am no longer a fence-rider. The first time a school/mall/theatre shooting happened was one too many. Something must be done to make it impossible for this to ever happen again. Period.

Ironically, this amendment was adopted on December 15, 1791, which means this deadly attack on the students and faculty of Sandy Hook Elementary School took place just one day shy of the 221st birthday of the Amendment. A glaring coincidence? Probably not, if you are looking for some rhyme or reason to the incident. What more could this be, than a loud wake-up call for America to take a long, harsh look at our gun control laws….or better yet, the apparent lack of them. It’s obvious the weapon wielding asshole whose name I refuse to write reveled in his Second Amendment rights. His mother staunchly believed in hers too, for that matter. Although she was his first victim of the day, I can’t ignore that the four guns he carried with him to execute the massacre were purchased by, and registered to her. Or that, reportedly, she took her son to the shooting range at least once in his lifetime. This begs the question:


The answer, is none. That’s why we have policemen. To serve and protect us. Yes, I am aware of a thing called ‘response time’. Fine. If you must own a gun in order to feel like an American, then you can have ONE…a double-barrel shotgun. It’s intimidating enough to defend your property and family without allowing the power of semi-automatic and automatic weapons representative of a military presence into the hands of individuals who likely shouldn’t have it. Plus, you can hunt with it, so you won’t starve if it comes to that. There must be rules though. Let’s start by only allowing you to purchase one after an extensive background check and psychological evaluation, accompanied by mandatory classes on gun safety and proper handling/storage of weapons. Oh, and you may only buy enough ammunition as is reasonable. No need for a stockpile. The police will be on their way to protect you from harm before you could aim, shoot, fire and reload more than once. I believe this is more than fair. You can own your gun, thereby preserving your Constitutional right to bear arms, while I feel confident knowing it’s okay to send my babies to their safe place day after day and know they will return home, as alive, full of energy and excited as they were when I dropped them off that morning. Deal?

Because let’s face it…there is nothing more precious than the life of a child, and no Constitutional right worth the loss of it. 

If you are beyond livid about gun control or mental health care, please contact your state or local representatives and elected officials, who may have the influence to make a difference and prevent further tragedies from happening.



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