Best Date Night Ever: Halloween Horror Nights

October 18, 2012 by 17 Comments

Halloween 2009; My Fancy Nancy with HER Fancy Nancy. I made this costume up, btw, using dress up clothes we had on hand.

Let’s just establish from the git-go that Halloween is my favorite holiday. Save the Turkeys, let Santa retire and put the Easter Bunny on permanent hiatus as far as I’m concerned….but don’t mess around with Halloween. I blame my mama for my ridiculous obsession with this holiday. She was a seamstress, and possessed a burning passion for creating garments for people to dress up in. Sure, she made normal clothes too….but DAMN….THAT WOMAN KNEW HOW TO PUT TOGETHER A COSTUME LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS. One year I was a clown (okay, I’m still a clown), then I was a hobo, the next I was Tweety Bird and when I was in junior high she really stepped up the game….by tea-dyeing about 5 yards of muslin, ripping it into strips and wrapping my entire body up ‘like a mummy”. Of course, I couldn’t piss for several hours, but the costume was effing fantastic. It wasn’t just my mother though. My brothers and sisters got into it too. Although I am the baby of the family by 12 years, they continued to carry on like complete wing nuts every Halloween, perhaps for my benefit, but I really suspect it was for their own enjoyment. One such year, when I was maybe 8 or so, my brother rented a studio grade gorilla costume, and teamed up with my sister, who worked for a local vet in town, known for his love of exotic pets. Dr. Young was also known for being a bit on the eccentric side, and subject to doing things most folks would not dare. Keep in mind, I grew up in a really small town. With that in mind, you can imagine how hilarious it was when my brother, dressed as King Kong decided it would be fun to have my sister and the other vet-tech she worked with drive him around town while he was standing up, appearing to be chained in the bed of Dr.Young’s pickup truck. They drove all over the freaking city…up around the courthouse square…through neighborhoods. EVERYWHERE. Each time they would approach a group of middle or high school aged trick-or-treaters (not little kids, mind you) they would slow down, and my brother would pound his chest and roar, then act like he was ‘breaking free from the chains’ and jump out of the truck into the group of kids. The kids would scream and scatter, understandably….probably wearing dirty underwear. Good times….for the times. Today, he would likely have been shot. Halloween was also a time to go TP yards, shoot random strangers with water guns filled with chocolate syrup, or worse….egg houses. I can remember participating in this kind of prankster activity when I was 6. I thought it was cool, because I was with my 18-year-old sister and her friends. Little did I know, it was also criminal. Thanks, Bug. Anyway, you get the point. These are my people, and Halloween is a big deal.  So it’s only fitting that I carry on family tradition, right? No…I don’t take my kids egging or TP’ing, but we do dress up….elaborately. The picture below is from last year, just before they left to beg for candy from our strangers neighbors:

a tiger, a witch and….a punk rocker?

Ironically though, as much as I LOVE dressing my kids up and going all out, that’s not my favorite part of Halloween anymore. Nope. My favorite part is Halloween season date night with The Man. Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. It doesn’t involve kinky sex or role-playing with costumes. We go to Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights every year….without The Beans. For obvious reasons: they are too young. Although, after this past summer, and our participation in the filming of the book trailer for the zombie novel “100 Days of Death”, they might enjoy it now….lol. But I digress. Last year’s annual Halloween Date Night was definitely one for the history books. Even better than the year we ate ‘herbal brownies’ before going in, and were totally paranoid the entire night, thinking the Texas Chainsaws were real. I mean what kind of asshats do THAT? Yeah, us. What can I say…it was our rookie year, and somebody else brought the treats. Anyway….back to Halloween 2011. It started out pretty normal. Except for the fact that we waited until the last-minute to buy our tickets, and missed out on the coveted ‘Front of the Line’ passes, which are worth every extra penny they cost, btw, which is why they SELL OUT. So, there was a fair amount of bitching at the beginning of the night. Still, we were excited, because one of the mazes was ‘Scream 4’ and The Man had just finished mixing the post-sound for it, and wore his crew t-shirt on our date. Very appropriate, attire I thought, although he paired it with some jeans that had a small hole near the pocket in the back. To be fair, I pointed out the hole before we left, and suggested he change his pants, but he ignored me, naturally. Turned out, the tee-shirt was a conversation piece that set the night in motion, and wearing those holey jeans happened to be a stellar decision as well. We were on the escalator going to the lower level, and happened to strike up a conversation with a couple of ladies in front of us, when they inquired about The Man’s shirt. See? Great wardrobe choice. As luck would have it, they were staff make-up artists going from maze to maze checking on the actors and doing touch-ups as needed. We remarked about missing out on the front of the line passes, and how brutally long the lines were, and they offered to take us with them through the maze they were headed for. They got to cut the line, because they worked there, and we just happened to be at the right place at the right time. Now, let me tell you….despite the fact that he works on movies for a living, and knows it’s all costumes, make-up and sound….the characters at HHN scare the crap out of The Man. Every effing year. Me…not so much, as I have nerves of steel. Nonetheless, we truck along with our new BFF’s, and head into ‘Alice Cooper’. Little did we know one of the girls was dating the guy who worked the door to the maze, and she called ahead and told him to have the actors pay special attention to us. And holy shit snacks, did they ever take those instructions seriously. Within the first few minutes of being in the maze, one of the characters jumped out practically on top of us, The Man fell back into me (because I always make him go in first & use him as a shield), scrambled to get away, almost ditched me and did his dead level best to run like hell through the remainder of the maze, with our 2 escorts laughing hysterically. I was laughing too, of course, because when my husband gets spooked, it’s the best show on Earth. But oh…the fun didn’t stop there. Once we got to ‘safety’ outside the maze, I noticed that in the scuffle, the tiny little hole in the back of The Man’s jeans had grown by epic proportions…..

yes. it's exactly what it looks like

yes. it’s exactly what it looks like

Yes, ladies and gentlemen….The Man busted the ass out of his jeans trying to get away from a ‘monster’. And I wet mine laughing at him. Best. Date Night. EVER. Universal Halloween Horror Nights 2011. Needless to say, the girls got such delight in watching The Man get the shit scared out of him in the first maze, they took us with them through every single one, even with The Man’s underwear showing. So we essentially got the Front of the Line Passes…..for free. Sometimes, we live a charmed life when it comes to shit like that. Hoping we get that lucky again this year 🙂

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Filed Under: blogger shout outs, family, funnies, holidays, just me, motherhood, random thoughts, rants and raves Tagged With: , , , ,

Here I go…dreaming again.

October 11, 2012 by 16 Comments

Found this image on www.annawrites.com. Isn’t it cool?

Welcome to Episode 2 of “Theme Thursday” where talented ladies (and a guy too!) join forces to bombard you with more entertaining, random thoughts.  This week we are pondering a ‘what if’ scenario of sorts, discussing the topic of…

                                              MY DREAM JOB

This post may come as a complete shock to some, because my dream job is vastly different from the 20 or so I juggle on a daily basis within the realm of the hardest one I’ve ever held…motherhood.  What? You thought my career aspirations evaporated the moment The Oldest Girl came squirming out of my hoo-ha? Uhh….no. While it’s true that I do love it, and I wouldn’t trade anything for my precious girls, motherhood was not my idea of the perfect career path when it happened all of a sudden. Yes. I said it….all of a sudden. Celebrity style. Cart before the horse. You get the point, right?

Anyway….

Now you are probably wondering what in the holy hell it is that I would rather be doing. First you should know that I am a performer at heart, have a passion for entertaining, and believe there simply is no better high than getting up on stage and delivering a flawless work of cinematic or theatrical genius that leaves the audience feeling as though you changed their lives. I scholar-shipped my way through college, and graduated with degrees in Dance and English (shocker, right?). Then moved to Los Angeles, promptly after graduation….following a dream boy. All this being said…there are a couple of jobs I covet. To be fair though, I’m going to break them into two categories: Pre-children and Post-children. Because of course, not all jobs are conducive to family life.

The job I would love to bring home the bacon with if I didn’t have The Girls is forensic investigator/medical examiner. Yep. Working with crime and dead people. I’ve always been fascinated with medicine, and anyone that knows me agrees…if you need dirt on someone, I’m better than the freaking FBI and CIA combined at finding it. And I won’t elaborate the diabolic mind I possess when coming up with ingenious ways to use it against them. Funny…my tweenager probably thinks she’ll be able to get away with shit someday. This makes me smile. Because not only is she wrong, she no doubt is grossly underestimating how creative punishment will be for trying 🙂 But I’m getting off track here. I genuinely LOVE solving problems. My brain is creative and logical, but I think outside the box too. However, I don’t have much tolerance for bullshit and defiance, which would make working with live patients quite difficult….because they talk back, and often don’t follow orders. Kind of like children. So there. Oh, and you should know….when The Middle Girl was 5 months old, I decided to take a CSI course at one of the UC campuses. Aced it.

As for the job I would like to have need now that I have reproduced…that would be:

HEIRESS TO A FORTUNE

Because let’s face it….it takes a village and a bulging wallet to raise kids these days, and this mama needs a full-on staff of professionals to take care of everything else so she can blog, Facebook and Tweet attend to the young ‘uns properly. Not to mention the joy it would bring me to be able to grab the family and take to the road following the Dave Matthews Band, camping out along the way like a tribe of hippies. You may be laughing, but you secretly agree. Maybe your DMB is some other band, but come on, you know it would be crazy fun. Admit it. I’ll keep it between us….Promise.

All kidding aside though, I have a pretty good gig and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m a wife, a mommy, a sister, a friend, a voice-over actress, an artist and a volunteer. Oh, and literally at the end of the day.….I write, and it entertains people. When I opened the time capsule I put together my senior year in high school at my 10 year reunion…um ten years ago….I hadn’t said anything about my future self being a writer. But sometimes the best things in life are its surprises 🙂

Now, if I can just figure out how to monetize all that in a big way…..

Okay, now you know my dream jobs. Go find out what my bloggy family has to say about theirs:

Filed Under: blogger shout outs, family, funnies, just me, motherhood, random thoughts, truths and quotes Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Playground Etiquette (aka ‘how NOT to piss other moms off’)

October 4, 2012 by 12 Comments

True story.

Buckle up folks, it’s about to get real up in here. I have joined forces with a group of bloggers for ‘Themed Thursdays’. Today’s theme is PLAYGROUND ETIQUETTE.

Having three daughters I’ve done considerable time at the various parks/playgrounds in the LA area, frequented by mommies and children from all walks of life, and um…parenting styles . In other words, I’m pretty up on this shit. You know, etiquette and stuff. After all…I AM a Southern girl whose mama pretty much raised me with Amy Vanderbilt‘s book in one hand and Emily Post‘s in the other. Unfortunately, there aren’t any chapters in those reference books covering this subject, so I’ve made up my own set of rules.

Read them. Learn them. Live them. 

1. Accept that kids throw sand, or wood chips, or whatever happens to be the ground covering of choice at the given park. Sometimes it’s by accident, sometimes it’s on purpose. Regardless, unless the ground covering is rocks….which is stupid anyway….don’t act like my child has assaulted yours with a deadly weapon, and then step in to reprimand my child before I’ve had a chance to,  if this happens. Believe me, I know my girls aren’t perfect. They make mistakes. ALL CHILDREN DO. Even yours.

2. If you decide to bring sand toys to the park, realize they will get picked up, licked, and played with…perhaps even broken… by children other than your own. Put your initials or family surname on each and every toy, and be prepared to search around the play area to retrieve them when it’s time to go. And if you aren’t a parent who thinks sharing is a good lesson to teach your child, or you’ve invested the equivalent of a mortgage payment in super cool, unique looking play things in an attempt to grab the attention of every parent kid….leave the fucking toys at home. Because all it does when you try to keep toys away from other kids, is make you look like a controlling bitch raising a selfish kid.

3. Back to the labeling of toys….If, after leaving the park you discover that you have mistakenly picked up someone else’s toy(s) in your haste to get to your next destination, please be courteous and return to the park immediately if possible, but definitely the next day and seek out the owner of the items. Ask everyone at the park if it’s theirs, or put up signs with your cell number if necessary. Because chances are, the kid it belongs to really, really loved whatever it was and threw a nasty tantrum as soon as he/she found out it was missing. Even if they had never even played with it once!

4. Make sure your kids take turns. Don’t let them hijack the swings for an infinite amount of time. Or sit at the bottom of the slide preventing other kids from sliding down. That’s just plain rude, and you know it. And more than likely, if it goes on long enough with no intervention from you, I will allow my kid to slide down anyway, and literally boot yours off with their feet so they land face down in the sand/wood chips/grass. Just sayin.

5. If you are having a group play date, and some of the kids are old enough to utilize riding toys like Razor scooters or bikes or whatever…..don’t let them zoom through the most crowded area of the park at breakneck speed as if they have blinders on. It’s very dangerous, and usually ends up in an injury….and maybe even a lawsuit…against you. I mean, those helicopter parents who freak out about sand throwing would have a field day with that shit.

6. When visiting a park with a ‘water feature‘, make sure your kid knows that just because someone is sitting near the refreshing spray, does not mean they wish to get drenched, while you sit back and laugh because they are splashing recklessly. Oh, and if you happen not to know the park has a water feature and you come unprepared (i.e. without swimming attire) don’t let your kid play in it naked if he or she is over the age of say…2. I’m all for being naked, and teaching my girls to be comfortable with their naked bodies in the right environment…our fenced back yard, our home or in the bathtub. But a public park is not the appropriate environment.

7. Either feed your kid before coming to the park, or bring snacks. Do not allow he/she to take my child’s food while she is not looking, after we have indicated that we didn’t have enough to share. Scavengers are just not welcome. Yes, this really happened, and the mother did nothing. I wanted to feed HER a mouthful of sand.

8. If my child is throwing a tantrum because she has a splinter in her foot, and will not let me get it out, which results in me loudly threatening to cancel the playdate we are at the park to have because she refuses to walk or let me extract the splinter….DO NOT try to swoop in uninvited and be Florence Nightingale. I got it. Thanks.

9. Keep an eye on your kid instead of playing on your smartphone, or gossiping about the latest celebrity to your friend. Don’t assume just because he or she is engaged in play with my child, that I want to be your babysitter. I mean, I WILL NOT discipline your kid if he gets out of line, and if mine takes off in a swift run in another direction, what do you think I’m gonna do? Stay with yours while mine darts off towards the street? Yeah, right.

10. Last but not least….play well with others… yourself. Don’t be a bitch, who thinks her kids are perfect and can do no wrong. They aren’t. That really isn’t setting a good example for your kids, and you won’t make any mommy friends at the park. So there.


Filed Under: blogger shout outs, family, funnies, just me, motherhood, random thoughts, rants and raves, truths and quotes Tagged With: , , ,

Mama to the rescue!!

July 17, 2012 by 7 Comments

Holy crap crackers! So much has happened since my last post, I don’t even know where to start.  And I thought this week was busy!

First of all, I forgot to tell y’all I was invited to be a contributor at MomsLA. How could I forget that? Well…it happened kinda fast, and amidst this. Nonetheless, it is a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious HONOR, in my opinion, and deserves special mention. The group of mommy bloggers they have assembled is spectacular, and I feel blessed to be included! If you would like to read my first post over there, which happens to be about my family’s participation in the making of the book trailer for the zombie thriller, “100 Days of Death”, click here 🙂

So.

As I mentioned, the first weekend in July, my family made a zombie movie. Not just me, mind you, but all of us. The Man and Middle Girl remained human, while I, The Oldest and Youngest got….zombified. I ran…A LOT…and eventually got shot in the head. Theatrically speaking, of course. The Man did what he does best (SOUND) while The Middle One acted like a frightened 8-year old when I attacked the car she was sitting in while The Oldest and Youngest made a feast out of the “prop” entrails of a friend. I know, Mother of the Year Nominations are being accepted, and I’m a shue-in based on allowing this alone…lol. Sounds like fun though, huh? Honestly, we had a blast, and aside from the possible therapy my girls may need later on, I can absolutely guarantee they will never be scared of any horror movies, monsters, or Halloween costumes for the remainder of their lives. They now know it’s a movie magic! 

Moving on….

While I wasn’t being all ‘undead’ and running from gun-weilding, leading men I was actually helping my sister, Shane, get her blog up and going. She is an even more talented writer than I, and she has stories to tell about our family that happened long before I was so much as a blip on the Romine Radar. There are some about me, and you can read those here and here. So, when you get a minute (or right now) hop over and see what she has to say. You won’t be sorry, I promise. Oh, and leave comments for her just like you do for me…she LOVES some feedback!

Oh and I got a job. A real one.

You are probably thinking….WTF? When does she have the freaking time?  Yeah, me too. But I am making time, and all I can say is that it was divine intervention. Won’t say anything more yet for fear of jinxing it. But I am very excited to have the opportunity and see where it goes 🙂 Of course, I am hoping for mad success, so say a little prayer for me.

And finally….just to make sure you realize there is NEVER A DULL MOMENT UP IN HERE…this past Saturday afternoon, while driving The Girls home from a trip to the local public library (because they were bored)…I rescued a red-eared slider turtle from the middle of the road. Yep. There he was, trying to cross the street a few blocks from my house and I stopped and picked him up. Since he is an almost entirely aquatic creature, I saved him from certain death in the heat we had that day, or more specifically, from being squashed like a bug by another car. Our first instinct was to put him in the pool when we got home and let him swim, because that’s what turtles like to do. And let me tell you…he was elated! However, I did a bit of research and discovered chlorinated water wasn’t good for him (shocker), so he spent the night in our bathtub. Then, yesterday after going both door to door asking if anyone had lost him and putting up “Found Turtle” signs–with zero response– I became worried that he wasn’t eating and decided we needed to consult with the experts (i.e. The Fish Cove, our local pet store specializing in aquatic creatures). They agreed to foster him for a few days while waiting to see if anyone claims him, as we are simply not equipped to properly care for him. I mean, we have a bearded dragon and a dog, but neither of them require almost constant submersion in water. So we are T-minus 2 days and counting until we must figure out the next move. In the meantime, we named him Bing.

That was my last 9 days. Oh, and during the composition of this post, I had to stop writing briefly because my washing machine flooded the laundry room and kitchen. Thank God I don’t sleep much now. Otherwise, it would have really made a mess! 

 So…whatcha got for me? Let’s hear it 🙂

N

Filed Under: blogger shout outs, family, funnies, just me, motherhood Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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