Fifteen.

According to the traditional list of customary anniversary presents, The Man and I should have exchanged gifts of CRYSTAL yesterday. Alternately, the contemporary list suggests WATCHES.  Ironically, both can be purchased at Tiffany. However, I am still awaiting the arrival of my Little Blue Box, convinced the delivery person got lost. After all, Los Angeles is an awfully big city and according to the map below…. I live up in the area of the REDNECKS and JCREW LOOKING MOFOS…which I suppose could be a little confusing. Maybe even scary.

IMG_3075

Anyway, we had a lovely dinner last night with The Beans at a favorite local spot of ours. The fact that I neither tried to find a babysitter nor entertained the thought for a moment that we would celebrate without them in tow goes to show you that after 15 years, it really IS all about the children.  Not to sound cliché, but we do only have them all under one roof for a little bit longer. Sugar Bean is going away to college in 4.5  years so we have to pack in as much family time as possible now. Perhaps we’ll take an anniversary trip on our 20th. Who knows? Regardless, I was reminiscing about our wedding yesterday and it occurred to me that I’ve never shared a single detail about it with anyone outside of family and close friends, despite it being an incredibly joyous, unique and memorable affair. WTF is wrong with me? Btw, that’s a rhetorical question. So… without further adieu, I give you…

The Top 10 Reasons Why My Wedding Night

Was Uniquely Kickass

1. It was planned and executed it in exactly 3 weeks, complete with paper invitations (pre-Evite, people), a caterer, flowers and a wedding cake. Notice I didn’t say I PLANNED IT. Every drop of credit goes to my MIL, as I was stricken with horrific morning sickness…ALL. DAY. LONG. Wait…I did pick out the bridesmaids’ dresses. Off the rack, during a 20 minute trip to  Robinson’s-May, which was about all I could manage in between jaunts to puke in the nearest bathroom.

2. Using a recipe handed down for years, and in keeping with a long-standing tradition in my Southern rooted family, we served a drink called “24-Hour Punch”. It’s been a staple at every special occasion for as long as I can remember. The main ingredient is Jack Daniels. The caterer asked for the recipe. Need I say more?

3. Although I could not drink a drop myself, I jumped behind the bar and started tending it like a pro at the reception. People were thirsty, and the bartender went missing…I suspect, after too much punch.

4. We are not Jewish, but many of our guests were, including the Best Man. So it made perfect sense to do the Horah, right?

chris:horah

me:horah

 5. My maid of honor was a VIP bartender at one of the hottest nightclubs in Hollywood, and got called in to work during the reception. Despite telling her boss she’d been drinking all day night at HER BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING, had flowers matted in her hair and would be arriving in her dress, if she could find a ride to avoid a DUI…he made her show up. True story.

6. The day of the wedding, we realized our plan for playing music at the reception wasn’t going to work, so our dear friend John wrangled some equipment and became our DJ, so I would stop freaking out. You can read about him here. He’s truly a gem, and if he ever gets married, I will walk on water if he needs me to!

7. Right before the procession was about to begin, I suddenly had to pee. There was a bathroom at the top of the steps, but my dress wouldn’t fit. Obviously, I didn’t have time to undress/redress. So, two of my bridesmaids held my skirt up inside the bathroom, making sure I didn’t pee on myself, while the other two stood guard outside and held the rest of my dress, because we had to leave the door open. Now THAT’S a good group of bridesmaids, y’all.

8. There was a break-dancing extravaganza. Yep. That’s my husband folks, throwing it back to the 80’s by doing a coffee-grinder…I think.

chris:wedding:breakdance

9. Oh, but wait…the girls were not about to be upstaged! If memory serves me correctly, the photo below depicts the ‘big finish’ to a dance routine of some sort.  Doing the splits in my wedding gown. Yeah, that really happened.

me:wedding:splits

10. With the reception winding down, The Man and I hopped into a limo bound for the honeymoon suite at a hotel in the city. Once we inspected our accommodations, we decided to continue celebrating, and took off on foot down Sunset Boulevard, still in our wedding clothes… headed for the Skybar. Cars were bumper to bumper, horns were honking, and folks were shouting ‘Congrats’ the whole way. Crazy fun. Typically, it’s a tough place to get into if you aren’t ‘on the list’, but I  bartended there for a couple years and showing up in a wedding gown with my groom in tow did the trick!  Afterwards, exhausted and giddy, we returned to our hotel and passed out. That whole doing the deed on your wedding night thing? Ain’t nobody got energy for that!

And so, following a magical evening that started like this:

wedding dance

 We woke up the next morning as newlyweds and realized our cars were in the Valley, and we didn’t have a ride home.

THE END

 

Follow on Bloglovin

Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook, and Twitter

If I made you laugh, please click the banner below to vote for me on topmommyblogs.com!

There’s no need to be shy – you can vote for me once a day!

THANKS SO MUCH…Y’ALL ROCK!

Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

Smurf Lice

Well, well, well….how did you like that magic trick yesterday? Is your entourage calling you Houdini yet? If so, welcome to the club. The Beans think I’m a rock star of epic proportions based on that display of scientific based trickery alone. Little do they know, it only scratched the surface on my bag o’ tricks 🙂

So. It’s been a crazy few weeks up in here. Which is precisely why I haven’t been showing much love to the blog. But now that The Beans are back in school (can I get a HELL YEAH?) and The Man is working again, after what seemed-like-a-century-but-was-really-only-about-a-month-off, things should be returning to normal. Maybe. I’ve still got 178 things too many on my plate, so I’ll need to figure out how to clone myself eventually.  Whatever. It’s how I roll.

Anyway, you are probably wondering what on Earth this post is about, with a title like Smurf Lice, right? The Man, of course! You see, he’s had a rough run the past few weeks. First he slammed his foot into the door frame and broke his pinky toe while fetching Butter Bean a glass of water. Then I made him go to the World Premiere of HBO’s film Clear History, starring Larry David, despite having to wear a compression cast (yes, the break is that bad…a spiral fracture, in fact), because Chicago was playing at the after-party, and I wanted to relive the experience of the very first concert I ever attended many moons ago. I didn’t have to twist his arm, if that’s what you’re thinking. After all, he did mix the film, and we’d missed 2 carefully planned date nights already, due to his damn broken piggy. So he owed me. See pics, below… HBO really knows how to party! Last but not least, I got him into this. Which turned out to be a really great time, but no thanks to me. LOL.

Back to the Smurf Lice.

A few days before the Fresh Brothers excursion, The Man called to me from the bedroom to come and inspect something on his head. Get your mind out of the gutter… I’m talking about the one on top of his neck, people. He pointed to the bothersome place, and I discovered what appeared to be a grain of blue sand. Nothing to worry about, I assured him. Just some random speck. Next! Then on the way home from the pizza party, he dug another mysterious blue bead out of his tresses and mentioned that he’d discovered its origin.  “Really?” I said, “Do tell.” He explained that at some point he’d run out of shampoo, and started using my body wash to clean his hair. Why he didn’t just use MY shampoo, I don’t know. Could it be because the shit is like gold in a bottle, and I threatened to cut the hands off anyone who even looked like they were thinking of using it? Noooo…that couldn’t be it. At any rate, this is what he used:

Be warned. Using this on your head will give you smurf lice.

Be warned. Using this on your head will give you smurf lice.

Notice the blue specks (aka exfoliating beads) pictured on the label? Yep. You guessed it. Smurf lice. Needless to say, The Beans and I had a really good laugh at his expense. Poor guy just can’t catch a break. The irony of that statement is not lost on me, btw 🙂

Okay, so here are a few photos of what may have been the best première after-party I’ve ever been to. Enjoy!!

Why yes, that is a fully functioning ferris wheel you see here!

Why yes, that is a fully functioning ferris wheel you see here!

Talk about a stage setup!!!

Talk about a stage setup!!!

This is the car--The Howard--featured in the movie. We should totally be Price Is Right models, shouldn't we?

This is the car–The Howard–featured in the movie. We should totally be Price Is Right models, shouldn’t we?

He balanced that pin on his chin from standing, down to this position, and back to standing without ever dropping it. Piece of cake, right?

He balanced that pin on his chin from standing, down to this position, and back to standing without ever dropping it. Piece of cake, right?

I stole this guy's clown nose right after the pic was taken.

I stole this guy’s clown nose right after the pic was taken.

 

** PS…If you haven’t seen Clear History yet, I highly recommend it. Just search for it on HBO…even if you aren’t a fan of Larry David. I laughed from beginning to end. Seriously. 

 

 

Follow on Bloglovin

Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook, and Twitter

If I made you laugh, please click the banner below to vote for me on topmommyblogs.com!

There’s no need to be shy – you can vote for me once a day!

THANKS SO MUCH…Y’ALL ROCK!

Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

 

 

 

 

Shout out to FRESH BROTHERS PIZZA!!

home_FBlogo

It’s no secret that when I plan things, Murphy’s Law kicks into high gear and throws a curve ball the size of the moon. So I usually just trust the wings I have growing out of my butt, and fly by the seat of my pants. It works for us, so probably best not to tempt fate too often, right? On occasion though, it is necessary to deviate from our mellow, go with the flow lifestyle in order to enjoy one day only, special events (hint: Murphy doesn’t take the day off.)

This past Saturday was one such day. I planned for our family tribe to attend an event at the latest location of FRESH BROTHERS PIZZA in Hollywood. The event was for MomsLA contributors and promised to be awesome….packed with pizza making, face-painting and all around fun. The Man and The Beans were ecstatic when I told them, so off we went!

It was scheduled for 11am and we arrived around 11:15. Much to my surprise, we were the only ones there…..except, of course Murphy and that Law Book. I approached the counter and confidently introduced myself to the manager, announcing we were there for the event. He looked at me with a bit of surprise, and asked if we’d booked a private party. Wait…what?!!  When I explained, he immediately got on the phone with Debbie Goldberg, one of the owners, while I whipped out my phone and logged into FB to check the original posting, and see if I’d completely lost my mind (don’t answer that). Turned out, the event was rescheduled for September….but of course, I’d missed that detail. Yeah…I’m a bonehead, and this is a sparkling example.

Not to worry though. Debbie and I chatted briefly on the phone, and she said for us to have a blast…lunch was on FRESH BROTHERS! I couldn’t believe it. The mix-up was completely my mistake, and she went out of her way to fix it. That is the ultimate in customer service!! The staff rolled out the red carpet of hospitality, and we had THE BEST TIME! The Beans made pizza, The Man watched sports, and I took pictures. A fabulous day was had by all!!

playing with dough

playing with dough

ingredients for perfect pizza making

ingredients for perfect pizza making

The Man, The Beans and some quality pizza making

The Man, The Beans and some quality pizza making

YUMMY!!!

YUMMY!!!

Oh, and the pizza?  To be honest, I’ve never been much of a pizza fan…so it takes  a lot to impress me when it comes to that particular cuisine. But I can, without any hesitation at all, say it was the YUMMIEST I HAVE EVER TASTED! Fresh Brothers has shown me the light…lol. In fact, I told The Man I would be ordering it often, and he would be picking it up on his way home from work 🙂

Again, I can’t thank Debbie and her staff enough. What a way to make me look like a hero in front of my tribe!

 

Follow on Bloglovin

Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook, and Twitter

If I made you laugh, please click the banner below to vote for me on topmommyblogs.com!

There’s no need to be shy – you can vote for me once a day!

THANKS SO MUCH…Y’ALL ROCK!

Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

 

 

It’s Friday…For Real: Episode 2

Hi y’all…Hope everyone had a fabulous Fourth of July! I know we did. Now, if you are anything like The Man, you probably had some mishaps with food. Specifically, wearing it…after eating and enjoying it. If so, you’re gonna want to pay close attention to the second episode of

It’s Friday…For Real!

Follow on Bloglovin

Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook, and Twitter

If I made you laugh, please click the banner below to vote for me on topmommyblogs.com!

There’s no need to be shy – you can vote for me once a day!

THANKS SO MUCH…Y’ALL ROCK!

Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)

%d bloggers like this: