It is what it is…isn’t.

April 16, 2012 by 5 Comments

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So. Don’t be afraid, k?

I am happy to report, I no longer have writer’s block 🙂

My brain had a nice little rest over the weekend, and began grinding its gears, churning out a plethora of topics for me to babble about, for your reading enjoyment. Yes, of course I took notes. Otherwise, I would likely still be stuck.

Can I get a ‘woot woot’ up in here, please? 

The brainstorm was kicked off after discovering the church program from Easter service in the glove compartment of my mommy mobile. The sermon was fantastic. In fact, it was as if Pastor Jim read my ‘Easter Week’ post and decided he should address me specifically. My logical mind says that’s not what happened, because he doesn’t know I have a blog, but my ‘put-it-out-there-into-the-universe-and-see-what-you-get’ mind is certain that’s how it went down. That part of my brain is a bit self-centered. Please forgive her. Regardless, I made the request for proof, reassurance, guidance, etc…and BAM…there it was. On Easter Sunday. So I took notes on the program with the intention of doing a post about it. Therefore, I am giving inspirational credit where credit is due: Thank you, Pastor Jim. Thank you 🙂

At its bare bones, the sermon was about The Resurrection and the explanation of why we, as Christians, celebrate Easter. However, it was filled with so many reasons why we should believe that “It is what it is”–a statement we often make as humans with respect to our lives, our jobs, the government, the economy–ISN’T.  As a student of English grammar, I cringe at the written contradiction. As a student of life, and a new seeker of proof that God exists in my everyday life, I do a happy dance when I see it. Because it makes sense.

To me.

As it was told to me by Pastor Jim, there are “Five Isn’t (s) of Easter”. Here they are:

1. Death is it.   Well, no it isn’t. That is, if you believe Jesus rose 3 days after being crucified and put in the tomb. I happen to believe He blew this one out of the water. Which, of course, means there IS life after death and I can go to my Heaven and dance endlessly to Dave Matthews. For eternity. Amen.

2. Hope is a fallacy.  Um, no. The Resurrection is proof of hope. Believing this statement is easy breezy lemon squeezy for me. Being more of an optimist, rather than a pessimist, realist or opportunist, I’ve never had an issue with hope. Finding it is never a problem for me, and I am so determined that I never give it up. Never. When I can’t find a shiny side to life, I just throw in some elbow grease and polish the dull one. Moving on.

3. We are stuck with paying the price for our sins.  This one trips me up a bit, I must admit. Especially when I think about all the “what if’s” in my past, or the decisions I’ve made that clearly had consequences, not all of them good. This being said, I believe this statement doesn’t apply to tangible things. It applies to behaviors. After all, The Seven Deadly Sins are behaviors: wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. When I think of it that way, I can wrap my mind around the concept and feel safe in the blanket of forgiveness. On the other hand, if this isn’t the proper interpretation of the “isn’t”, then I am, in effect….ESS OH ELL.

4. Just surviving is the rule of the day. This is a biggie for me, because in the last few years, it HAS been the rule of my life, and the focus of my family. It was also the rule of my childhood. Come to think of it, it’s pretty much been the story of my life. Of course, there have been a few times I felt I was thriving rather than surviving, but I could probably count them one hand. Pathetic, I know. My desire is to change my approach to life from now on. To focus more energy on thriving spiritually, which will no doubt, help me thrive in other areas as well. Often, I spend so much time anticipating the arrival of the next moment, I miss living in the one I am in. No more. After all, God gave his only son, and Jesus gave his own life so that I could live. It’s my duty to live it to the fullest. Period.

5. We are alone in this life.  If your beliefs are rooted in Christianity, then it is understood “there is no time when Jesus is not present” in your life. Although I have faith in the validity of the statement, I admit I don’t always feel His presence. This is a problem for me, as it invokes all sorts of guilt on my part, and makes me question whether or not I am a ‘good Christian’. Am I a good person? Yes. Good Christian? Um…what does that mean anyway? Mama always said to everything will be okay if  you are “living right”. I believe I am. In addition, I am told that Jesus’ job is to come to me and make himself known. This being said, every time I go into the sanctuary of our chosen place of worship, I start to cry. Not just on Sundays, or while the service is going on. EVERY TIME. That’s enough for me. I’ll just accept that when I’m not ‘feeling the love’, He is busy making someone else cry…in a good way, of course.

Take from this whatever you wish, as it’s by no means the gospel for everyone. At any rate, that’s my sermon for the day 🙂

xo,

N

Filed Under: just me, random thoughts Tagged With: , ,

I’m on overload.

April 13, 2012 by 6 Comments

It’s Friday the 13th. Nothing remarkable has happened…yet.

I had a few hours to myself this afternoon/evening, while my kick-ass chili was simmering on the stove for dinner, so I started reading blogs. A lot of them.

Now I have writer’s block. Could be because there are so many brilliant writers out there that my mind won’t allow me to focus on my own thoughts. Or maybe I am afraid the eidetic aspect of my brain will take over and I will somehow, subconsciously plagiarise without meaning to. Desiring the literary genius of all those I’ve read today to manifest here, on my blog. Sigh. I must be myself. Everyone else is taken 🙂

Whatever. I have writer’s block.

And I don’t want to just spew about nothing. But I want to say something tonight. Crap. The pressure.

The Man just walked outside to smoke. I could certainly rant about how much I really want him to quit. The smell, the yellow fingers…yuck. The fact that I can’t kiss him whenever I want because of the taste. The money wasted. Literally lit on fire. Ugh.

The glass half-full me is thinking, “at least he goes outside, right?” Oh well.

I love him.

Rant over.

If it weren’t raining and 37 degrees outside, I would lie down under the stars and come back with a report of the sheer beauty of the night sky. But being cold and wet ranks up there in my book of pet peeves, right along with shredded coconut and the word “lover”. All give me the shivers.

So this is me, sitting in my dining room, with gray roots desperately in need of color, and writer’s block. On a positive note, I’m thinking about the post I’ll write tomorrow after returning from an event the girls and I are attending hosted by the HUB Network, in honor of “My Little Pony“. Woo-hoo!! Thanks to The Beverly Hills Mom, I’m certain the writer’s block will be gone by 8pm tomorrow night. Stay tuned. There will be pictures. Gray roots and all:-)

Maybe my writer’s block is because it’s Friday the 13th. Hmm.

I’m going to bed before Jason, who I am certain is now a bona fide member of The Walking Dead comes sauntering through my front door, wielding a machete, determined to take me and my writer’s block out.

LOL.

Night y’all,

N

 

Filed Under: blogger shout outs, just me, random thoughts, rants and raves Tagged With: , , ,

Versatile. Me? Really, now.

April 11, 2012 by 8 Comments

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Here I sit, with 17 minutes–give or take a few– to write a post that deserves 17 hours. And 17 million “Thank you’s” to Jennifer Butler Basile, the talented blogger behind Chopping Potatoes. Somehow, she wandered onto my crazy little blog here, and found me deserving of  “The Versatile Blogger Award”.  

Wow. Just wow. THANK YOU, TIMES 17 MILLION!!!

I feel so honored that my writing caught the attention of Jennifer, and she felt it worthy enough to include “a calibama state of mind” as one of her 15 nominees. Only fifteen. The odds were not in my favor considering the number of phenomenal blogs/bloggers out there in the bloggosphere, and the fact I have only been ‘doing this writing thang’ seriously for 3 months. But anyway, I made the cut. Time to break out the bubbly 🙂

So. Here are the rules, folks:

If you find yourself nominated, then you’ve been awarded  The Versatile Blogger award. And, you need to pay it forward:

  • Thank the person who gave you this award
  • Include a link to their blog
  • Select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly
  • Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.
  • Tell the person who nominated you seven things about yourself

Here are my 7 things:

1. I am the youngest of 7. The First Six are all pretty much 18 months apart. Then I came along 12 years later. A serious WTF moment for my parents, right? Could explain #4, below.

2. I have a somewhat eidetic memory. Freakish, actually. By that, I mean I can remember sequences of numbers after only glancing at them, or names of people’s pets from years ago….BUT, if I leave one room and go into another for a specific reason, I can’t remember why I’m there once I get there. Go figure.

3. I hate shredded coconut. Especially when people dye it green and use it as grass on Easter cupcakes. The thought of it makes me gag.

4. My mother was an alcoholic. There is a post about it here .

5. I entered a local chili cook-off in 2004, and won 3rd place. My chili is kick-ass. Seriously.

6. Our family pets include 2 dogs and a bearded dragon. If you had asked me a year ago if I would be the caretaker for a reptile of any kind, I would have, without hesitation, said “Hell to the NO”. Proof that things change…and fast.

7. Occasionally, I work as a voice-over actor for films. I would like to do it a lot more 🙂

So that’s me, in a nutshell.

And my nominees are, in no particular order, as I really adore them all:

Single, Pregnant, and Fabulous?!

Momastery

Nobody, Nowhere

The Bloggess

Off Duty Mom

Snarky in the Suburbs

A Life Less Scripted

Sweetness of Life & Motherhood

The Beverly Hills Mom

Momma Swears

My Cracked Pot

Blue Eyed Blog

All Good in the Mommyhood

Hot Mess Mom

Motherhood, WTF?

All of these bloggers are fandamntastic. Check them out. 

And thanks for checking me out 🙂 

xo,

N

Filed Under: blogger shout outs, rants and raves, tributes Tagged With: , ,

Easter Week

April 3, 2012 by 7 Comments
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The Easter Haul a few years ago

Is it really time to do baskets, again? That’s all I can think about. Commercialism at its finest, I know.

Although I’m a good person, I suspect I might be a terrible Christian, headed to Hell in my very own handbasket for thinking of this first. Before really reflecting on Easter, and the days leading up to it. At least I’m honest though. And for what it’s worth, while in church this past Sunday, the thought did cross my mind that I should watch “The Passion of the Christ“ again. Hmm.

Maybe what I am trying to say….admit, I suppose…is that I wasn’t really raised understanding the root of the religious holidays. Of course, I know the stories. The ones printed in simplistic language in children’s books, because I have read them to my girls. Ironically, we seemed to only attend church ON HOLIDAYS when I was growing up. Yes, I claim Christianity as my faith and basis for religious belief. But I have never read the Bible cover to cover, can’t quote scripture, and avoid discussions about religion, because…

I feel inadequate and lost talking about something I don’t really know a lot about. 

Dare I say, it makes me very uncomfortable.

“Why?” I ask.  I’m smart. I can learn, can’t I? And what’s more, I really believe there is something bigger than me, keeping watch. How else can I explain the little miracles I experience from time to time? Or the fact that whenever I attend this one specific church, I cry as soon as the music begins. Isn’t that me being “overcome by the spirit”? That being said, I have no explanation as to why, or what my idea about it is. My logical brain, geared for tangible thought, can’t wrap itself around the notion of a being, sitting up in the clouds, behind a set of pearly gates on a throne. Nor can I say I believe in a horned demon under the ground, wielding a pitchfork, keeping watch over the fiery pits of Hell.

To me, Heaven would be an endless Dave Matthews Band concert where I could lose myself in the music while dancing forever, surrounded by all my friends and family, who of course, love DMB as much as I do.  Now THAT’S Heaven!! And Hell? Lately, I would almost certainly tell you I’m going through it. Right here on Earth. But that is another blog. Just go back into the archives and read 🙂

So.

Where does that leave me? My ignorance traps me, and has for years. And I am hesitant to throw myself into the study of it all at the age of 40, for fear of being judged for not knowing already. A few years ago, I did try to take a class on religion. What I wanted was the HISTORY of religions. That was not what the class ended up being, so I dropped it, and was left at Square One. I believe it would make a world of difference in how I deal with things, respond to others, and certainly how I form friendships and nurture relationships. Oh…and parent. I wouldn’t feel like such a loser when my young daughters exhibit vast Biblical knowledge, they gained in Presbyterian school, rather than from me…their mother. There’s THAT.

I WANT to feel the presence of God in everyday life.

I WANT to feel Jesus’ arms around me, lifting me up and carrying me through when I don’t have the strength to walk on my own.

I WANT to know what I am talking about, believing in, and WHY I should. I need some irrefutable proof.

In my face.

What I am seeking…is it even possible? And how do I find it? I can’t be the first person who has asked for it. Where do I start? Point me in the right direction. All suggestions welcome.

Most of all though, I DON’T WANT to be a hypocrite, which is what I feel like when I talk about religion, or advise others to have blind faith. After all, who am I to testify to others in support of something that is clearly not working for me?

Help me, please.

I’m too old to worship the Easter Bunny, and I’m not fond of eggs.

xo,

N

Filed Under: holidays, just me, random thoughts, truths and quotes Tagged With: , ,
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