“You got 10 Minutes?”

There should be a picture of a MAN.

There should be a picture of a MAN.

Okay, I learned a valuable lesson yesterday:

Don’t read posts from other blogs to The Man, as he will inevitably ask a question related to the post, leading to a discussion I really don’t want to be a part of. How did I not anticipate that? Dammit.  

That being said, his question inspired this post, so I suppose I should mumble ‘thank you’ under my breath at some point later this evening. Of course, that will depend on how many views it gets…lol. Yeah, I’m a bitch like that 🙂 

Anyway, after reading this to him, from Chopping Potatoes, The Man asked:

“Why do women always put the desire of sex on their mates, by saying ‘he might get lucky’? How come I’ve never heard a woman say, ‘It would make my day if I GET LUCKY later’? Do women view sex as an obligatory chore?” 

wow. Wow. WOW.

I sat speechless, which almost never happens. Searching for, not just words, but the right words. Blurting out what I was thinking was simply unacceptable, but I had to say something, right? So I stammered and managed to evade a direct answer by saying I needed to consult other women before opening Pandora‘s Box. He suggested I blog about it, and here I am. Something tells me after reading this, he will not make that mistake again 🙂

My theory is that, sex drives and desires are unique to each individual woman. You’re probably thinking, “Damn. This woman is a genius!”  Yeah, right.  This being said, I believe once you become a mother, a completely different light is cast upon sex, and it occupies a less emergent spot on the “to do list”. When a woman is single and dating, or committed–yet not tethered to small humans demanding her undivided attention–sex is a little more, dare I say?…exciting. Something you WANT TO DO. It can be spontaneous, and happen almost anywhere, anytime. If the mood hits, BAM…you can be in the moment. However, when you are constantly aware of the bazillion things you must do to maintain order among your tribe, it somehow morphs into…well…a chore. One more thing you have to schedule into your already-bursting-at-the-seams calendar. Something reserved for date nights, the occasional kids are sleeping at a friends’ or  their grandparents’ house….OR the miraculous, by the grace of God, once every few years, “grown up weekend away together”. Oh what I would give for one of those! And even then, I suspect, I might just want to sleep. LOL.

There is another aspect to all of this though. Scientific evidence exists to support the fact that men think about sex more often than women, they seek it out more frequently, and are more straightforward in the approach and expectations. An excellent article highlighting these statements can be found here at WebMD.  Honestly, my own husband could be the poster child for the article. There is a running joke in our house associated with the normally benign statement “Hey, you got 10 minutes?” as it is code for “I want to bang you like a drum–right now. The problem is,  The Man asks whenever I am busy with things like getting ready for a meeting, catching up on laundry, doing dishes, taking care of the family pets, paying bills, gathering internet research or performing just about any other responsibility that must be completed in the precious hours of the day when all three of  The Girls are at school, and before they need to be shuttled here and there for after school activities.

Oooohhhhh…..Did I forget to mention The Man has been on hiatus from his job, intermittently, for the better portion of the last 7 months? And he doesn’t have any hobbies. NONEAre you understanding why this is a problem for me? Yes. I thought so.

On the flip side, I AM thankful that, after 13 years of marriage and 3 delightful children…he still honestly believes I am the hottest thing on two legs, and is genuinely attracted to me. How do I know this? Because he tells me. Every. Single. Day. So, it’s not just an attempt to satisfy his biological need to “release” in order to avoid the apparent pain of blue balls. My apologies for the ‘frat boy’ reference. I just couldn’t think of a better way to say it.

I do realize I suck for not “hoping to get lucky” more often and for never being vocal about it when I desire to. Dear Husband, I owe you an apology for that. From now on, I will be diligent in my effort to let you know how very much I want to screw your brains out love and desire you, and show you how blessed I feel that you are my smoking hot hubby. Oh, and I vow to ask “You got 10 minutes?” every single time I witness you doing dishes, vacuuming floors, making dinner, or watching a big game on ESPN.

Promise.

Actually, I think I got a fandamntastic start on this with the “Trophy Husband” tee-shirt I bought you today, huh?

Night, y’all 🙂

N

Comments

  1. I read this to my husband and opened a can of worms! For me, it’s not about lack of desire as much as having a hard time changing gears. We’re lucky that our kids both still nap (or pretend to) at the same time so we usually have a couple opportunities to get lucky on the weekends. He doesn’t have any trouble going from morning chores to afternoon delight. I, on the other hand, have a harder time getting my mind into the mood, if you know what I mean. I try to be like Nike and “just do it” and it usually works out fine.

  2. I can tell him what happens when you say “I hope to get lucky later”, sometimes you get a little more than you bargained for!

  3. Jennifer Butler Basile says:

    I guess I opened up a can of worms by writing that one little line! Ha! I was using that phrase jokingly and not insinuating that it’s never the woman who gets lucky. I feel very lucky to have my husband – in every sense of the word! (And glad to have helped get this post started!)

    • 🙂 When I thought about it, he had a point. I’ve never actually heard any of my girlfriends say it either. That’s not to say they don’t think it, mind you, just that they don’t verbalize the desire!

  4. Bratinella says:

    Karenlessscripted, I think you and I were seperated at birth. My sentiments EXACTLY! Although, when I read this to my husband it was literally 24 hours after I told him, “I was hoping to get lucky tonight” lol. His response was- “I would love it if my wife asked if I had 10 minutes in the middle of doing chores otr even watching the big game; because I will happily miss 10 minutes of ANYTHING to get lucky”. Me, I can’t switch between Mom and lover mode so quickly; but I know that once I get there, it will be worth it.

  5. Victoria says:

    I think some husbands stopped trying to impress you like they did before the marriage, so there is nothing that kind of knocks you off your feet and makes you want to have sex :-). I agree with karenlessscripted about having a hard time switching gears and I can only have the “I’m not really into this but I’ll do it anyways” sex so many times. When you do less choirs around the house or even around the kids, then just put some extra effort into getting us in the mood and I don’t mean kiss me once and think that I’m now turned on. I know women don’t initiate sex often enough and some of it could still be stereotypical. I just wish men gave us more reasons to do so.

  6. For sure WE have a harder time switching gears. We will sometimes play wrestle each other and even then I can’t go from just 2.5 minutes ago you were trying to knock me off the bed to “letting you in my personal space.”
    With that said. I often tell my hubby “Tonight you’re mine!” Or something to that effect. We are actually pretty even when it comes to initiating. Kids have just balanced us out before kids it was me ALWAYS asking for it. There are times when we (mentally) plan on it and it doesn’t work out because after the kids have puked on every surface of the house we fell into the bed and forgot it had any other purpose besides collecting drool.

    I know we/ I am very much the exception. But don’t tell your husbands that there are ladies like myself out there. I wouldn’t. jk

    Don’t get me wrong our marriage isn’t perfect, As a matter of fact I believe our sex life may be the healthiest part right now.

  7. I read a HuffPo post that said the average time to get back in the saddle after kids was 6 years. I guess my poor Hubs has 3 1/2 more to wait. Good thing I insisted on that vasectomy a year ago.

  8. sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms says:

    Great piece! Loved this: Oh, and I vow to ask “You got 10 minutes?” every single time I witness you doing dishes, vacuuming floors, making dinner, or watching a big game on ESPN.” May this get more vacuuming done in your house because it could certainly lead to more sex because they ALWAYS have 10 minutes. Ellen

    • calibamamom says:

      Thanks! Really glad you enjoyed it. And yes, The Man always has 10 minutes, even when he doesn’t. Of course, he has 10 minutes because I never do as the result of making sure everything is done, thus taking up all of my time….so he can have 10 minutes. Vicious cycle…lol.

  9. Visiting via the Sisterhood of Sensible Moms Best of 2012–great choice for best of the year post. Somewhere along our 13 years of marriage and three children, my partner and I made a pact to always say yes to “Do you have 10 minutes.” Cause, really, with a toddler underfoot and a baby barely napping, and it’s been three goddamn weeks, it’s more like two minutes… five if yer’ lucky at those ages!

  10. This is funny! I try to make time for these things – if nothing else, I love the connected feelings – kind of like hey, we made it through the week and here we are together. However, I love your idea of faithfully asking him if he has 10 minutes whenever he’s occupied.

Trackbacks

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Give it to me straight. I can take it :-)

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