The Most Ridiculous Search Terms (that will land you on my blog). Who knew?

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After looking at my blog stats, and perusing the search terms visitors have used to arrive here at ‘a calibama state of mind’, I have to admit, I’m….well…speechless. Maybe even a little frightened. Don’t get me wrong, I’m damn thankful for my readers, and even more so for my faithful followers. But given the Internet pathways leading some of them here, I can’t help but scratch my head, wonder, and shudder a bit.

At any rate, I thought it might make for an interesting post if I listed the ones that really stood out, while proposing my theories on how they may have led someone here. Without further adieu, and in no particular order…..

The Most Ridiculous Search Terms That Will Land You on My Blog

1. Picture of cattle pusher on 18 wheeler after deer strike. Just because I’m from the South, does not mean I know what a ‘cattle pusher’ is. Deer strike? Yes. Cattle pusher? No. Is it some strange contraption used to ‘tip’ cows? Because I always thought you just did that with your hand after they’d fallen asleep standing up in the pasture. (Damn, that’s mean, isn’t it?) Anyway, my guess is this post, which has nothing at all to do with cows (although it does mention 18 wheelers and deer in headlights), may have connected the dots in this strange string of search terms. So there.

2. Skanky stripper. Really. Me? Awe, thanks….NOT! I do have my suspicions on how this one cut a path straight to me though. Definitely an adventure, but it didn’t involve me stripping. (sorry guys). Anyway, you can read about it here. 

3. Club sex drunk group dark booth bench tumblr.  Yes, that is exactly what the search term says. Verbatim. So, here’s my logic. I’ve talked about being at a club with a group of drunk people here. And about sex, herehere and here. As for the “dark booth bench tumblr”…..that’s just a mystery.

4. Roller coaster view. This is the most searched term. Who knew so many people were fascinated by the view from a rollercoaster. Not me. Anyway, no question about this one. It’s because of this post, and the image associated with it. Doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure that one out 🙂

5. XXX Secret Moms. I have only 3 words in response to this one: WHAT THE HELL??  It sounds like the name of a bad porno revolving around a group of nymphos who all have children and don’t want anyone to know. Lord knows, with shows like ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ on tv now, this very well may be coming to a PPV channel near you soon. I, for one, will not be staying tuned. 

6. Littlest screamer porn AND porn kids video hop. TWO SEPARATE SEARCH PHRASES, PEOPLE!! Who looks for things like this? Seriously. They need to take their eyes elsewhere, because there is nothing for them here. Pretty sure the post that brought them here is this one though. Obviously because of the title….and it was part of a blog hop. I may very well change the title, after this debacle. Clearly, it was catchy. For all the wrong reasons. Ugh.

7. Bitch I watch CSI I can make your death look like accident.  I’m sure you do, and you can. Thanks. Now go away, because that’s my dream career, and I actually took a class in that shit. Read here.

8. Sometimes you have to flip out and go batshit crazy to prove a point. This one made me literally laugh out loud. Possibly because I think it’s sooooo true! Wouldn’t life be way more interesting if grown-ups threw kicking and screaming tantrums now and then when they need to express the importance of an issue? Just like 2 year olds. I, for one, would find it thoroughly entertaining to see a grown man fling himself onto the floor in one of the grocery aisles in protest to the absence of his favorite beer in the cooler. What else could you do, except laugh? Which would no doubt lighten the mood exponentially. Anyway, I searched the word “FLIP-OUT” myself, and here are the posts it brought up from the archives. #1… #2... #3#4#5#6#7…  Perfectly fitting there are 7. Lucky number 7 🙂

9. This smile brought to you by Xanax and wine. My personal favorite, hands down! I talk about these 3 things a lot, here and in real life, so it’s not a shocker this surfaced in the search terms. So grab some wine, read them all, and prepare to smile. If you hate the way I write, I’m sorry….have some Xanax. Regardless, if you came to this mecca of over-sharing and craziness by way of this search phrase, then all I can say is….WELCOME HOME, YOU SHOULD FIT RIGHT IN!

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Comments

  1. Omg I love search terms! I did a post of my favorites one time! Enjoy! http://dramafreemama.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/search-terms-they-matter/

  2. OMG, these are hysterical! Mine are all boring and about sex, vaginas, and the like. But this? This is genius. My favs are #7 and #9! 😉

    P.S. I never got an email about this post? That’s weird. Make sure to tell me the next time you post so I can ensure your email notifications are working. Chances are I accidentally deleted it (boo!).

    • calibamamom says:

      Yeah, 7-9 are my faves too. Although I kind of giggled at skanky stripper 🙂 So weird that you didn’t get a notification. It was auto-published this morning at 6:30 this morning, and I’ve been pimping it via HootSuite all day…lol. I’ll send you a heads up next time though!

Give it to me straight. I can take it :-)

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