Because I’m 40 now.

A good friend sent me this on my very recent 40th birthday. I love it so much. I happen to believe it SCREAMS truth. Well, maybe with the exception of the red lipstick remark. So I had to share. I also must add, this friend is a male, which, when you read it, makes it so much more meaningful. Just sayin’.

Oh, and it was written by Andy Rooney 🙂

Andy Rooney says:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over forty most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over forty will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.
If a woman over forty doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.
A woman over forty knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of forty give a hoot what you might think about her or what she’s doing.
Women over forty are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.
A woman over forty has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over forty couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over forty. They always know.
A woman over forty looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over forty is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over forty for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of forty-plus, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some twenty-two-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,” here’s an update for you. Now 80 percent of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.
Well said, Mr.Rooney, WELL SAID. 

 

The resolution is…

I don’t have one this year. Last year I was ambitious…with a dozen. What kind of freaking over-achiever does that? Me, apparentlySuffice to say it bit me in the ass. A grand list of things I wanted to do, but never actually made the time to do. Perhaps I lack the willpower necessary to execute that kind of commitment? Nah…can’t be it. I have 3 children. Talk about commitment! Anyway, as I looked back on that silly list of impossible self promises, I was left with an icky feeling: FAILURE. And who wants THATNot me, but hey….to each his own 🙂 

In order to avoid the failure funk again, I decided to start the year (albeit almost 2 weeks in) with the simple acceptance of a few simple FACTS: 

1. As of 9:55 am on January 9, I officially became “wise” (i.e. I turned 40). With that milestone comes the right to say, “Listen to me…I’m 40. I have lived 4 decades, and therefore, know what I’m talking about.”

2. I have a degree from The University of Alabama. A school whose football team, won the 2012 BCS National Championship (for the 2nd time in 3 years) ON MY BIRTHDAY.

3. That makes me a 40-year old, NATIONAL CHAMPION. Hot damn!!!!!

                                  Helluva way to start the year, isn’t it????  

Momastery

momastery

Discovered this AMAZING BLOG 5 days ago, and have barely been able to pry myself away from it to perform the simplest of tasks in everyday life (think, sitting on the potty reading from an iPhone). It cried out to me through a FB share posted by one of my dearest friends from college on a day when I, myself, JUST COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Of course, nobody knew that I had worked little ole me into a tizzy, because….well…I…um…hide when that happens, and can only be lured out by those who know me best, when they realize they haven’t heard from me for a bit. Sometimes, even that doesn’t work. Anyway, I think the author of the blog and I just may have been twins separated at birth. We have a lot in common. Her posts are exactly what I feel, and want to say, pretty much verbatim. Of course, she is a much more gifted writer than I. But then again, who isn’t? A girl can dream though. The stories I’ve read so far on Momastery have inspired me to adopt this as my new mantra:

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”  

Because at the end of the day, somebody has to renovate this fixer-upper I call life, huh? Might as well pick out the paint myself.

Jokes. As told by T

On the way home from school yesterday, I was delighted to have a front row…well, actually driver’s….seat to the stand-up act my 5-year old is obviously preparing. It went something like this:

T: Mama, wanna hear a joke?

Me: I’d LOVE to hear it. (from the rearview mirror, I notice she is holding a book of “Monster Jokes”)

T: Why do werewolves howl up at the full moon?

Me: Gee…I don’t know. Why?

T: Because root beer makes them burp. (very proud, yet forced, giggles)

Me: (Silent, blank stare) 

T: I don’t really get it.

Me: Whew! Me either. 

Then we both roared with laughter!

Turns out, she was reading the joke from one page, and the punch line from the next, as pointed out by G when she climbed in the car. The two pages should have gone something like this:

Why do werewolves howl up at the full moon?  Because you can’t howl down at the moon!! 

Why do vampires drink blood? Because root beer makes them burp! 

I don’t know about y’all, but I liked T’s version better 🙂



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