The blessing of a maple leaf

April 25, 2012 by 15 Comments

images

Los Angeles, 1997.

A guy walked up to the bar I was tending, and asked for …my best friend. Automatically, I kicked into BFF protection mode, answering his request with an interrogation. It went something like this:

Me: “E’s not working today. Who are you, and why are you looking for her?”  For all I knew, he could be a stalker. Or a process-server. Or a bounty hunter. Or…I don’t know….an IRS agent. We are actresses, living in LA for crying out loud.  Whatever. You get the point. If this guy wanted to reach her, he would  have to go through ME, and I wasn’t about to make it easy.

Guy: “Well, my name is JCD. I’m a film producer from Canada, and I’m staying here at the hotel on business. I met her a couple of nights ago while she was tending the bar, and upon learning she was an actress, invited her to an industry related party, but she didn’t show up.” 

Me: (sporting a deer-in-headlights look on my face) “Ooohhh. That was YOUR party we blew off last night? Oops. I’m Nancy, E’s best friend. Nice to meet you. Sorry we stood you up.”  (E asked me to go with her, but we tossed around the idea for too long, got distracted, and ultimately decided we were just too tired to go).

We shared a giggle at my blatant admission, and proceeded to chat for a couple of hours. Mind you, this was during a day shift at Skybar, while El Nino was in full swing, so the bar was empty and I had plenty of time to devote to making friends with customers 🙂 Lucky for me, because, during the course of our conversation, he invited me to a dinner party he was throwing for a few friends the following evening at the Conga Room. I didn’t flake, and several of the people who were in attendance that night are still close friends of mine to this day. One of the girls ended up being a bridesmaid in my wedding, and Sugar Bean was the flower girl at hers. From that friendship, other introductions were made, and what I like to refer to as “my friendamily” was born. The inner circles have blended, grown and blossomed, becoming concentric over the years. It’s a beautiful thing. There are a ridiculous number of people I feel blessed to have in my life (you know who you are), and they all landed there because of…

JCD 🙂

He is my very best, straight, unattached male friend, and has never been interested in me romantically. Never. It was that way from the beginning. We just became traveling buddies. He invited me to Palm Desert to a spa for a couple of days and I’d never been to one before. Then, he hosted me up in Canada for my first trip there EVER, and later was responsible for me being the only female allowed to attend a bachelor party weekend in Vegas. And for those of you wondering…NO…. I was NOT the entertainment. Just ‘one of the guys’, and it was priceless. In addition, he ignited my passion for watching live NHL hockey games by taking me to see the Toronto Maple Leafs vs. The NY Islanders at Maple Leaf Gardens, about 14 years ago. It was the first professional sporting event I’d ever attended. Lots of firsts. But that’s how best friendships are supposed to be, right?

Sometimes when people get married, their respective partners are opposed to them maintaining friendships with members of the opposite sex, and dear  friendships are lost. That was not an option with JCD and me. He was part of the package. So The Man married into the friendship, and they hit it off brilliantly. Now they even collaborate on film projects occasionally. When we are all together, I get to hang with the love of my life and my best guy friend. It’s a win-win all around!

The first time they met was at the Sundance Film Festival in January 1999, before The Man and I married. JCD rented a large house for the duration of the festival, and as a birthday gift to me (I’m a Capricorn–you figure it out), he invited us to stay there without paying a cent. We did, upon arrival, run out and stock the kitchen with groceries and the bar with liquor, because The Man felt we needed to contribute somehow. So there. After 8 days in Park City, where we partied like rock stars, and I learned to tumble down the slopes with a snowboard clamped to my feet, The Man and I, with JCD in tow, decided to route our flights home through Vegas. We stayed there for 4 days, gambling, eating at fancy restaurants and, finally, watching the Super Bowl. They were a Rat Pack duo, with a female chaperone…lol. After that, the plan was for JCD to come back to Los Angeles with us, and stay at our house while he attended to some business. Unbeknownst to JCD, while we were in Vegas, The Man and I had figured out I was…um…late. Therefore, we suspected there might be some big news to share upon our return to the City of Angels. As soon as we got home, we tested.

Sure enough, we were positive. 5 weeks positive, in fact.

Imagine what runs through your mind when you’ve just arrived home after 2 weeks vacation, having done everything you are not supposed to do while preggo, including but not limited to, tumbling down a hill on a snowboard–and finding out you are, in fact…preggo.  Yeah, I had those thoughts.

But I digress.

JCD was the first person we told. From that moment on, he was family. Plain and simple. Whether he liked it or not. Three weeks later, The Man and I were married, and JCD was the deejay. A fandamntastic one, I might add. His business negotiations in Los Angeles lasted almost 3 months, and he lived with us newlyweds for that duration. It was an adventure, I tell you! Unbelievable memories were made, including one about a Greek Easter party our neighbors threw on Malibu Beach, that needs a blog post all its own. I’ll get to it eventually. Promise.

Although I’ve known him for almost 14 and a half years, over the course of the last thirteen, he has been like a brother to both The Man and me, filling a role as vital oxygen does in our lives. He has listened to each of us bitch about the other, and never uttered a word or chosen a side. He’s witnessed emotional meltdowns over broken friendships, business partnerships, and finances. He has come to us with business opportunities, and kicked us in the ass when we needed it. But most of all, he has treated our girls like they are his own, always remembering birthdays and showering them with presents and attention. Last August, when Sugar Bean announced, just two weeks before the concert, that for her 12th birthday, she would like to see Adele perform live…he came through with stellar seats to a sold out show. Then, this past Christmas, which was a rather tight one, budget-wise, he asked what was on The Beans’ lists, and fulfilled the requests completely. He has worked miracles, and been Santa too 🙂

But it’s the little things that mean the most, and two days ago, he touched my heart with a totally out-of-the blue surprise related to something that happened a week ago. Something that didn’t go unnoticed, but deserved more attention than it got.

Last Monday evening, Sugar Bean found an iPhone4 lying on the sidewalk as we returned to our car after having dinner with family. Although she desperately wants one herself, her first instinct was to locate the owner and return it. The phone was pass code locked which prevented me from accessing the owner information immediately. So we took it home, with the intention of taking it into an AT&T store the following day. Around ten o’ clock that evening, it rang, and The Man answered. The owner was on the other end. He explained how our 12-year-old daughter  had discovered it, and insisted we return it to whom it belonged. The lady thanked him profusely, promised a reward and asked if they could meet ASAP, as “her life was on that phone.” The Man agreed and they decided upon a rendezvous point halfway between where we live and where she was at the time. It happened to be right smack where she lost it…or thereabouts. So he set out, iPhone in hand. Immediately upon arrival, he spotted the owner of the phone, but felt something amiss. There were two groups of guys engaged in what appeared to be a fight, and it was unclear whether or not the lady he was there to meet might be the cause. She hurried over, took her phone, thanked my husband and said there needed to be more people in the world like him. Then she jumped in her car and left. No exchange of names. No reimbursement for gas spent driving 20 miles to return it. No reward. Nothing. Just the act of doing the right thing.

The next morning, I posted a status on FB about what happened the night before. I was very proud not only of Sugar Bean for making the right decision, but also The Man and myself for successfully parenting her in a way, that led her to do the right thing instinctively, despite her own desire for the magical Apple device. Lots of friends ‘liked’ the post and commented on it. However, JCD truly went above and beyond.

Day before yesterday, an envelope arrived in my mailbox. It was addressed to Sugar Bean, and me. On the back it simply said, “From the Karma Fairy”. The only indication from whom it came, was the Canadian stamp. But I knew.  Inside the envelope was a note with the following words on it:

“Every good decision deserves a reward. Love, The Karma Fairy.”

In addition to the note, there were two ten-dollar bills. A reward.

Needless to say, it made her day, and mine.

So.

I want to publicly thank JCD for his totally unnecessary, yet immeasurably thoughtful gesture.

“JCD…You are without a doubt one of the kindest, most thoughtful, honest, sincere, trustworthy and loyal human beings I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Life would never be the same without you, and we are blessed beyond comprehension to have you as part of our family. We love you to the moon and back.” 

xoxo,

Nancy (and The Tribe) 

Perfectly stated.

Perfectly stated.

Filed Under: family, motherhood, tributes Tagged With: , , , , , ,

In the eyes of others, I’m strong enough.

March 22, 2012 by 22 Comments

you-are-enough

Deep down, I’ve always believed this statement.

Otherwise, I would be perpetually angry at God for weighing me down with loads much heavier than my tiny, 40 year-old body can carry at any given moment. Fortunately, the days when I get pissed at you know who, and wonder why, despite the fact I am commonly seen in yoga pants, she can’t remember that I haven’t lifted weights or seen the inside of a gym in ages…are infrequent.

That being said, I had one yesterday.Truth be told, it began Tuesday night, sent me into a full-on, Southern Bitch “TAY-ER”, and culminated in a surprise visit from Aunt Flow…in the middle of the night. Go ahead, gasp. But remember: you were warned about TMI showing up here. 

It all leads back to my desire to contribute somehow, to our family piggy bank, yet being clueless how to do it. My job title, since 1999 has been MOM. It’s full-time, requires a ton of skills, and the schedule is pretty rigid. Problem is, how do I suddenly fit in another job, that pays in dollars, during a recession, without compromising the responsibilities of my number one job? For the last 13 years my salary has come in smiles, hugs and giggles, which I happily deposited straight into my heart. Yes, I have a college degree. IN DANCE AND ENGLISH. Fields I never established careers in, because life nudged me in the direction of motherhood. Who is going to hire me? It’s quite the conundrum. Anyway, it’s the days when I begin to reflect on my current job, and my need for an additional job that I end up feeling completely inadequate in every way. Just like a big, clumsy failure. Factor in that old bitch, Aunt Flow, and it’s the perfect storm.

But I digress.

While taking a break this morning, which is code for ” I sat down because I was woozy from the muscle relaxers calming the cramps”, I decided to clean out my purse. And, lo and behold I found something great. Reassurance. In the form of an essay Sugar Bean wrote as an assignment in her 6th grade class. She presented me with it a couple of weeks ago. I cried for days, and then put it in my purse so I wouldn’t lose it. I’d like to say I didn’t forget about it, but, that would be…well… a lie.  Blame it on the distraction of 6th grade math homework.

But I found it today. (Thanks, God)

“The person I admire greatly is my mother, Nancy. She is 5 feet and 1 inch. She has a skinny body and is usually in sweats or t-shirts from Alabama. She attended the University of Alabama, and moved to California 15 years ago. She drove all the way by herself across the country. Her parents died when she was  at a fairly young age. She had to fend for herself when they died. She has 3 older sisters and 3 older brothers, but they all live in Alabama. When she came here, she didn’t have any family. Now she has friends from college here. She has an English degree and a dance degree. I cannot believe that my mom did all that by herself.

I also admire her because she is very strong and brave. She believes everything happens for a reason. She loves everything she does, and enjoys life with my dad, me, and my two sisters. She is very tolerant and has a high patience level. She is a strong, composed and beautiful lady. Even though we are going through tough times right now, she always finds a way to give to others and make them happy. I love her with all my heart. I hope to be just like her. She is very kind-hearted and sweet and is raising us to be too. She always makes us laugh, and comforts us when we cry. Man, she has a sense of humor! She is very persistent and determined, and teaches my sisters and me to always put others first. She is currently trying to help our family by looking for ways to get a job to make money. She loves the medical field and forensic crime investigation. 

I love her soooooooo much. Now you can see why. She is strong, loving, funny, caring, brave and kind, and an awesome cook too. I hope you get why she is the most stupendous person in the world. She is the pillow beneath my head. I love her with all my heart, to the moon and back.”  

~written by my precious Sugar Bean, aged 12

If I never have another job besides being a mama, that’s okay. We’ll make it.

Because with a performance review like this, at least I know I’m doing the job I was blessed with to the very best of my ability, and that is all I can hope for .

Filed Under: family, motherhood, random thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Signs

March 13, 2012 by 1 Comment

redbird

Well.

Here I am again. My apologies for the silence. I just needed to catch up on all the things on my plate right now, despite the glaring fact that I am not the least bit hungry or eager to digest any of them.

But thou shalt not dwell, right? (I’m thinking this might need to be a Commandment, since it is rather profound.)

Anyway, I’m back. I had every intention of posting about something else entirely, then I received a message…actually 2…and my focus shifted. The first message was from my sister, via a story she told me many years ago, but just recently put down into words; the other, was…well…from God.

For a minute here, I’m going to talk about a blessing. My sister, Shane Jackson.  Her strength astounds me, and her faith is unshakeable. Throughout my life, she has been my protector. Quite honestly, if not for her return to Alabama back in 1980, after fleeing a horribly abusive marriage and bringing along her very own firstborn, just 6 weeks old, there is a good chance I might not be alive today. I was 8 years old. For now, I’ll leave the details for another post, but I can say with certainty that she saved my life then, and she hasn’t stopped since. The two of us have…let’s just say…weathered many a storm, and seen things nobody should have to. And, if the past few years are any indication, we are right in the eye of a hurricane, hunkering down, hoping and praying for it to pass. Again. But I digress. Besides being a Rock of Gibraltar in human form, she is also a gifted and talented writer of poetry, fiction, inspirational words, etc. You name it, and she can perfectly put it into words, even when one might believe there were none to describe it.

Here is the story. All true words. Enjoy.

The Story of the Redbirds 

When my father died, I was devastated. He was my best friend, my protector. Everything that happened in my life he knew about. After the funeral I crawled into my mother’s lap and stared for a while. She never questioned me; never said a word,  but rather held me as if I was an infant. After a month had passed, I was home with my children, cleaning dishes while talking to my mother on the phone. All of the sudden two redbirds appeared at my breakfast room window. They were pecking and making noise. I moved over to the sink and they followed me. I told Mother I would have to call her back and I ran upstairs to get the video camera. When I got to my bedroom, there they were at the upper level windows pecking, just as if they were trying to tell me something. By this time I was freaked out. I began videoing them. I ran back down to call Mother and they followed me back to the kitchen window. I was so weirded out, I was almost yelling on the phone. Mother sat  there until I finished and then said,  “You’ve never heard the story on the redbirds”? “No”, I said. She began to tell me how redbirds come into your life when you’ve lost someone you love. They represent them and bring good will and joy back into your heart. They are there to let you know everything will be alright and life is turning around for your heart.

Several months later, I lost my mother. We moved from Persimmon Tree road to Sugar Creek. I was done. Crushed at the loss of my mother. She was my everthing. Both my mother and my father were the world to me, as well as to everybody else. There was no bringing me back from this one. I was surviving, not living. I tried to keep a good face for my children and my husband but honestly, I didn’t want to breathe. One day I was home and cleaning, as usal. I walked out to the pool to set some chemicals down and took my seat, positioning myself to look out over the land and just meditate. There was a white fence surrounding the pool on one side. I hear this screetch and turn. There they were, Three redbirds perched on the fence together and looking dead center to my soul. Three, you ask? Yes. We lost Andy’s father first, my father just months later and after 18 more months, my mother. When we moved to Village Lane they followed…the three. They remained there for our duration on the Lane.  Yet again we have relocated, and I believed they were gone for good. However, I’m here five months later and I am happy to say, some very verbal sweet precious redbirds have found me.

I now know…I’m going to be okay.

~~Shane Jackson 

As I mentioned earlier, I received another message too. From God. He knows what He did, and I’ll keep it a blessed secret, and only say “I hear you loud and clear, and I know you are watching over me. Thank you.”

I now know…I’m going to be okay, too.

**For the inquiring minds, who want to know: Does it involve another bundle of joy with ten fingers and ten toes, I can say with absolute certainty…..NO!!!

Filed Under: family, random thoughts, truths and quotes Tagged With:

M. This one’s for you.

February 16, 2012 by 4 Comments
Pretty much sums up my personality.

Pretty much sums up my personality.

Seriously.

It’s also precisely why I try not to engage in conversations about religion, politics or parenting, with family, friends, friends of friends, potential friends….oh hell…even perfect strangers for that matter. It just doesn’t pay off. For me.

I will, however, argue over just about anything else. For example, this. For as long as it takes to win. Or beat my opponent down.

Or I turn blue in the face while correcting their grammar to save face.

Or both.

I realize this is not a redeeming quality, and often leads to the silent treatment for hours at a time from The Man, and The Oldest Girl. Who, btw, is just like me. A formidable opponent, if only she had the years of life experience I have up on her.  Wait, did I just put THAT out into the universe? Crap.

Anyway, this talk of arguing brings me to my second post about blessings. My first was about one of my besties, Grace. Who, btw, gave birth to a perfect baby boy named  Ayden, 19 days ago. Mama and baby are doing marvelously. I am thanking God for that, and for the fact that he is a HE, because do we ever need some blue up in here to balance out all this pink 🙂

So.

This blessing post is dedicated to my sweet friend Marilynn. You can visit her blog here. She’s amazing. And just became even (to quote my Youngest Girl) “amazing-er”, recently. I’d tell you why, but it’s not my story to tell. So you’ll just need to follow her blog and see what happens, I guess. So there.

Right about now you are probably wondering how on earth I’m going to tie this into my love for arguing, aren’t you?  The thing is, I met Marilynn 5 years ago, via a cyber argument on a now defunct parenting site called CityMommy. Oh how I miss CM!  The topic? Spanking. The mother of all, “do not comment on” topics you might see on an open discussion forum on a parenting site. Yep. I swallowed the bait….hook, line and sinker. No. That’s wrong. I actually ate the pole, come to think of it.

Maybe even the boat, too.

Of course, this was before I decided never to engage in conversations about parenting. In fact, it was the very first time I ever had, on the first parenting site I had ever joined. Call it a rookie mistake. Yes, that’s it.  And, although I, metaphorically speaking, got my ass chewed out while doing so, I made quite a few friends in the process. Still have most of them to this day. Shocking isn’t it?  By now, you’ve figured out where I stood on the topic, haven’t you? I should add that being the opinionated Capricorn I am, I argue with organization, efficiency, and grace. Especially from behind a computer screen. No, I don’t hide behind it. What you read is what you get, and I have no problem saying it to your face. Period.

Anyway, the debate on CM lasted several days and resulted in me inviting a relative stranger to travel halfway around the world to stay with me and my family in our house, so I could gather up all the participating CM’s in Los Angeles and throw a party in her honor. My sister who lives in Alabama was also involved in this shindig, but that’s another blessing story altogether, and I have to work up to it. Might be a novel all by itself.

So, now we are back to Marilynn, and why she is a blessing in my life.

Quite honestly, she is one of the reasons you are reading this blog at all. She’s a physically stunning, wise woman, phenomenal mother, gifted educator, published author and experienced mommy blogger. In other words, she wears many hats and knows the ropes. The ones I’m up against daily. Except for the whole physically stunning/published author part, because I look like a tiny, gray-rooted troll in worn out yoga pants on a good day. And the only thing I’ve published is this blog.

At any rate, I asked for her help, and she started spewing advice left and right. She explained why I didn’t have any followers, despite the fact that I started the blog over a year ago on a different site. “That’s more of a visual blog site. Not one for content heavy bloggers like us,” she said, matter of factly.  Then, she sent me a link on how to move the blog to WordPress. And here I am. Honestly, if word gets around, and I become known in the blogging world as a force to be reckoned with….WordPress owes her, big time. What I will owe her, goes without saying, of course.

Marilynn and I are two women from completely opposite sides of the world, with radically different ideas about parenting and motherhood, who bonded over the common ground of an argument and developed a glorious friendship in the years following. How about that? She even taught me how to Skype! Once that got going, we chatted at least once a week for very long periods of time. That is how we truly became friends, and discovered we had quite a bit in common, despite our divides. Obviously what everyone says is true. The more you talk to someone, the better you know them. Lines of communication really are essential. Keep them open, even if they are lines of disagreement.

And if you lose the connection? Call back. It’s usually worth the time.

Over the past year or so, Marilynn and I stopped making time to chat. Or maybe just I did. My life got really mucky and all up in the way, and I decided to hide. Recently, I’ve come out of hiding and she was right there, waiting on me, and our conversation picked up just where it left off. Easy and comfortable, between two old friends.  Want to know the best part? She’s really attentive, and listens when she knows I need her to, and then says all the right things after I’m done rambling.

That’s the real blessing.

And M….You just have no idea the can of worms you have opened.  Thanks for that 🙂

xo,

N

Filed Under: blogger shout outs, random thoughts, tributes Tagged With:
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